


When Words Fail, Music Speaks

by whitecrossgirl



Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Originally Posted on Tumblr, Song fics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-07
Updated: 2021-03-07
Packaged: 2021-03-13 19:22:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 23
Words: 33,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29905887
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitecrossgirl/pseuds/whitecrossgirl
Summary: A series of song fics and one shots that were origianally posted on my Tumblr account. Mostly Hotch/Prentiss based but with reference to the whole team.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner & Emily Prentiss, Aaron Hotchner/Emily Prentiss, Ian Doyle/Emily Prentiss
Kudos: 7





	1. Demons - Imagine Dragons

“Am I in danger?” Emily asked Sean. She already knew the answer but she needed that confirmation. Sean looked at her and slowly nodded.

“We all are.” Sean confirmed and Emily took a deep breath. It was like a countdown had been placed over her life. How long she had left, she didn’t know but the countdown had begun. Emily got up and walked out of the bar. As she got into her car, she glanced at her phone. Her background image was of her, Aaron and Jack. Emily looked at the screen and felt terror squeeze her heart. When he came after her, Aaron and Jack would be target one. Doyle was always big on revenge.

_When the days are cold  
And the cards all fold  
And the saints we see  
Are all made of gold_

“Is everything all right?” Aaron asked Emily when they had a moment alone together. She had been distancing herself from him and Jack and he was getting worried. She had been getting mysterious phone calls; had made excuses not to see him and Jack, had been hyper-vigilant and clearly hadn’t been sleeping. Something was wrong. Very wrong. 

“I’m OK,” Emily replied. It wasn’t fully a lie. As long as she was alive and unhurt; she was physically OK. In terms of being emotionally and mentally OK… well, the jury was out on that one. Aaron looked at her and suddenly hugged her tightly. He didn’t know what was going on but he wanted to make sure that whatever Emily was going through, she wouldn’t go through it alone. No matter what it was, they were in this together.  
  
 _When your dreams all fail  
And the ones we hail  
Are the worst of all  
And the blood’s run stale_

“So tell me, Emily Prentiss, which one are you going to be?” Doyle asked as Emily looked at the matchbox and looked up at him. She could kill him now. Right now. However he was right, she couldn’t. She didn’t know how many men he had and he had eyes on all of the team. Even Aaron and Jack. At least distancing herself from them had meant there was one other thing he didn’t know. Had he knew she loved Aaron and Jack, he would have said. 

It was only when she was home again and set up all the little traps which would tell her if someone broke in that she allowed herself to give into her fear and sobbed. Doyle held the upper hand and they both knew it. She was outnumbered, outgunned and the moment the team got involved, they were dead. She was alone. So alone. Emily wiped her eyes as she felt her phone vibrate with a text message from Aaron.

**_“Are you sure everything’s OK? Jack says Hi.”_ **

Emily looked at the message and felt her fear be replaced by determination. She knew Doyle. Knew him better than anyone. She knew how his mind work and how to play the games he played. He thought he had the upper hand but he never held it for long. She was the only one who bested him before and she would do it again. This time, she wouldn’t hesitate. She would kill him. Emily tapped at her phone before she took her seat in front of the door again.

“ ** _Everything’s OK. Give Jack a hug and kiss goodnight from me xx”_**

It would all be over soon. One way or the other.

_I wanna hide the truth  
I wanna shelter you  
But with the beast inside  
There’s nowhere we can hide_

Emily looked at the team as they started giving the profile on Doyle. They honestly all were so clueless. They had no idea what they were really dealing with. Only she did and now time had ran out. She had to go. She had to go now. Don’t look back. Don’t stop. Just keep walking. Just keep going. Don’t stop until he’s dead. Don’t stop until you’re dead. Don’t stop until you’re both dead. Maybe that was the way they were supposed to be. She would miss all of them. Aaron, Morgan, Rossi, Reid, Ashley, Garcia, JJ, Jack… all of them. But this was how it was supposed to be.  
  
 _No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come_

Aaron walked up to her hospital bed. He knew the truth now and Emily had almost been killed. She had barely survived and as she looked up at him, Aaron gently wiped a tear which slipped from her eye. She would have to go into hiding and neither of them knew when they would see each other again. Aaron took her hand and squeezed it lightly. They would find Doyle. They would kill him and Emily would come home. He could see the lingering fear in her eyes and held her gaze. He could see the fear, the darkness and he would do whatever he could to eliminate that fear and darkness.  
  
 _When you feel my heat_  
 _Look into my eyes_  
 _It’s where my demons hide_  
 _It’s where my demons hide_  
 _Don’t get too close_  
 _It’s dark inside_  
 _It’s where my demons hide_  
 _It’s where my demons hide_

“It’s time,” JJ said a few days later. Emily was able to get out of bed and that was enough for her to be well enough to go into hiding. Emily looked at Aaron. He didn’t know where she was going. Even she wouldn’t know until she was on the plane. Aaron held onto her tightly, feeling the tremble of fear against his skin. He rubbed her back and kissed her forehead. They would get through this. She would come home. Everything would be OK. 

Someday.  
  
 _At the curtain’s call  
It’s the last of all  
When the lights fade out  
All the sinners crawl_

The funeral is a joke. He can’t help but feel like a hypocrite as everyone who loved Emily mourned her ‘death’. All he wanted to do was tell them all that she was alive and safe. But if he opened his mouth, that limited safety she had disappeared. There would be discussions, inquiries, the team would need counselling and support. They were all devastated by the loss of Emily. She was their sister, their friend, they all loved her. He had to wonder what would happen when she came back and the truth came out. Hopefully they would find out sooner rather than later.  
  
 _So they dug your grave  
And the masquerade  
Will come calling out  
At the mess you made_

Paris was hell. She never wanted to leave and whenever she did, it was under heavy disguise, gun in her purse and a constant look over her shoulder. The only things she had to keep her sane were the books she bought to try and pass the time, online Scrabble with ‘CheetoBreath’ and two photographs that had been smuggled into her case. One with her and the team and one of her, Aaron and Jack. The knowledge that someday she would come home was all that kept her going. Even when she knew her return would mean having to deal with the team’s anger at the extra lies she had been part of. However it was for the team’s sake that she was doing all of this. It wasn’t about keeping herself alive anymore. It never had been. It was about protecting the team, Aaron, Jack and Declan. Nothing else mattered.

_Don’t wanna let you down_   
_But I am hell bound_   
_Though this is all for you_   
_Don’t wanna hide the truth_

Her return was a difficult time. Not only did it mean coming face to face with Doyle again but also the team and having to deal with their anger and hurt. Anger and hurt she had caused. Hopefully they would understand but Morgan and Reid’s anger hurt and being in Aaron’s arms again was a comfort but did little to help. That didn’t mean she let go. When they got back from the airstrip and Declan was safe, she had found Aaron, held onto him and refused to let go of him. The worst was over but they still had a long way to go before things could even try to get back to how they were before.   
  
_No matter what we breed  
We still are made of greed  
This is my kingdom come  
This is my kingdom come_

“All I’m asking is that when you have a bad day, you tell me about it.” Aaron explained to Emily who looked at him and nodded. She wasn’t coping as well as she wanted the others to think. Aaron looked at Emily and took her hand. Ever since her return, they were trying to get back to what they had before. They still loved one another but Emily was still in a lot of pain. He knew it wouldn’t be easy but he was going to be there for her. When she needed someone to talk to, when she had flashbacks or nightmares which caused her to scream or when everything went wrong and she just wanted to cry; he would be there for her. Emily squeezed his hand tightly and refused to let go until they arrived home again. She hadn’t wanted him to see through her but of course he had. He always did, the same way she had always seen through him. 

_When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It’s where my demons hide  
It’s where my demons hide  
Don’t get too close  
It’s dark inside  
It’s where my demons hide  
It’s where my demons hide_

“I’m having a bad day.” Emily admitted quietly a few weeks later. The words had just been ringing in her head. Her monster was dead. He wasnt dead. Not really. He dominated her thoughts, her nightmares; when she shut her eyes she was back in that warehouse. He would beat her but kill someone else; usually a member of the team. All she wanted to do was curl up in a ball and make the world go away. She was sick of being scared. She was sick of feeling alone. Nothing was the same anymore. Maybe she shouldn’t have come back.

Aaron took her hand and looked at her. He could see the hurt and pain in her eyes and looked at her. Whatever she had to say would stay between them. He would help her through whatever pain she was feeling. He cared about her. Whatever Emily needed, he would do for her.   
  
_They say it’s what you make  
I say it’s up to fate  
It’s woven in my soul  
I need to let you go_

The sound of Aaron’s laughter always made her feel better and she had to smile at the sight of Aaron carrying Jack around via piggyback. She had almost forgotten the way his eyes lit up whenever he smiled. The photographs she had had in Paris hadn’t captured that. Emily felt a small smile on her face, she had almost forgotten what that felt like. Part of her still felt trapped by what had happened but as she watched Aaron set Jack on the ground and start a game of Tag, she felt lighter; like some of the darkness was lifting. Slowly, it was lifting.  
  
 _Your eyes, they shine so bright  
I wanna save that light  
I can’t escape this now  
Unless you show me how_

Aaron felt movement in the bed beside him, dragging him back to consciousness. Aaron switched on the lamp and held onto Emily who was twisting and crying in bed. Aaron kept a hold on her as she work up and grabbed his arm almost painfully. Aaron rocked her as she cried. The nightmares were becoming less frequent but she still got them. The same way he still got them. Aaron held onto Emily as the tears stopped and she held onto him tightly. Together. They were there together. He had been with her ever since she had come back; he knew the pain she was in and he loved her anyway. The two of them against the world. No matter what monsters or demons lurked in their past, in their nightmares waiting to strike. They always had each other.  
  
 _When you feel my heat  
Look into my eyes  
It’s where my demons hide  
It’s where my demons hide  
Don’t get too close  
It’s dark inside  
It’s where my demons hide  
It’s where my demons hide  
_


	2. With A Little Help From My Friends - The Beatles

The sound of laughter echoed around the bullpen. Of course they were supposed to be working however, a light-hearted mood had taken over and playful teasing, jokes and of course, laughter had taken over. Everyone was laughing as Morgan and Garcia sang loudly and deliberately out of tune to annoy Reid, who tossed a paper wad at them. It was times like this they lived for. Not the bad singing but the times when they forgot all the darkness, all the murder and blood and fear and death and just enjoyed spending time together as friends. 

_What would you think if I sang out of tune  
Would you stand up and walk out on me?  
Lend me your ears and I’ll sing you a song  
And I’ll try not to sing out of key_

JJ couldn’t stop laughing as Morgan and Garcia stopped singing and they all began joking around again. The team were more than friends. They were family. They had their ups and their downs, they good times and the bad (far, far too many of the bad) but they got through it because they stuck together. They were all each other’s best friends, closer than family. Nothing could ever change that.  
  
 _Oh I get by with a little help from my friends  
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends  
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

Hotch laughed with the rest of the team as Emily told them the story of how she got caught sneaking in the house at half eight by her mother waiting in her bedroom and pulling her through the window. It was the first time he had laughed in a long time; it felt good. It felt like some the darkness which had threatened to engulf him. It gave him hope, sitting here with the team, feeling happy, laughing; things could get better. Things would get better. As long as he had the team, things would be OK.  
  
 _What do I do when my love is away?  
Does it worry you to be alone?  
How do I feel by the end of the day?  
Are you sad because you’re on your own?_

Emily laughed as she finished telling the story and looked around at the team. She had had some very good friends over the years, Matthew and John to name a few; but she never had friends like this before. Friends that felt like family; the type of family she never had; where they trusted one another, never pushed each other for secrets or ignored them when they needed help. They were the truest and best friends she had ever had and she knew she was very lucky to have them in her life. God knew where she would be without them.  
  
 _No I get by with a little help from my friends  
Mm I get high with a little help from my friends  
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends_

Morgan casually looped his arm over Garcia’s shoulder and loudly kissed her cheek, prompting more laughter and wisecracks from the team. Morgan laughed them off but kept his hold on Penelope, his best friend and his god-given solace. The rest of the team were all people he loved dearly. They knew the truth about his past, helped him to get justice and recover. They never abandoned him or blamed him; they stuck by him, made him feel better. He didn’t trust easily, but he trusted everyone around him. They were a team; a family; best friends. Trusting them was easy. He loved them.  
  
 _Do you need anybody?  
I need somebody to love  
Could it be anybody?  
I want somebody to love_

“Just wait, someday their little love child will be running around here raising hell.” Rossi joked and Garcia lightly shoved his shoulder. She loved Morgan, indeed she loved all of the team. She had loved each of them pretty much from the day they met; when she got her second chance at life and found a new family. Each and every one of them had a special place in her heart that was their’s and their’s alone. She loved all of them.  
  
 _Would you believe in a love at first sight?  
Yes I’m certain that it happens all the time  
What do you see when you turn out the light?  
I can’t tell you, but I know it’s mine_

“Um a little help please?” Reid asked as JJ and Morgan stole his crutches to have a sword fight. He didn’t mind, it reminded him of school and college, when someone had crutches and others used them or hopped around on them. JJ and Morgan handed the crutches back and Reid slipped his hands onto them and hopped across the bullpen towards the bathroom. The team were his best friends and things like that, their ease around him and lack of judgement helped to confirm that. They were his best friends.

_Oh I get by with a little help from my friends_   
_Mm I get high with a little help from my friends  
Oh I’m gonna try with a little help from my friends_

Rossi smiled as he looked around at the team; taking a moment just to watch and listen to everyon’s good moods and laughter. When he had rejoined the team, he hadn’t expected that these crazy kids would become like family to him. They trusted and helped one another with personal things which back in the day, tended to be overlooked by one another. Personal issues didn’t stop an UnSub. He hadn’t expected to find such good friends in all of them. They were good people and they loved one another.   
  
_Do you need anybody?  
I just need someone to love  
Could it be anybody?  
I want somebody to love_

For the rest of the day; the team stayed in this joking good mood, nothing could break them out of it. They were allowed one day like this. One day where the nightmares and monsters were forgotten. One day where they could laugh, have fun and be friends. That was how they coped. How they managed to endure seeing what they had to see, hearing what they had to hear; how they faced some of the worst evil humanity could throw at them. Each of them was often asked how they did it; how did they do this job? The answer was simple. They could because they had one another.   
  
_Oh I get by with a little help from my friends  
Mm gonna try with a little help from my friends  
Oh I get high with a little help from my friends  
Yes I get by with a little help from my friends  
With a little help from my friends_


	3. Never Say Never - The Fray

They’re both aware of it, even if neither does make the first move. They can see the attraction in each other’s eyes, the subtle changes in body language, the way they just seem to always be on the same level with one another. However they’re also aware of the problems and issues which would come if they pursued the relationship; it could ruin the team, their friendship and quite frankly, they had more than enough things to worry about without adding a relationship into the mix. Their feelings seemed to alternate; one day they could be thick as thieves, flirting and joking around. The next they were civil and distant. It was just how they acted around each other.

_Some things we don’t talk about  
Rather do without  
And just hold the smile  
Falling in and out of love  
Ashamed and proud of  
Together all the while_

If they had the chance, both of them would take it in a heartbeat; they both know that. If things were different, if they knew they weren’t jeopardising their jobs or the team, they would do it in a heartbeat. It didn’t mean they couldn’t still be friends and share a joke and hang out and have fun. They were each other’s best friends; had that level of understanding with one another that they didn’t have with anyone else. For now,that was enough. Maybe things would change but they didn’t know if or when it would. Maybe. A small word with a lot of power.  
  
 _You can never say never  
While we don’t know when  
But time and time again  
Younger now than we were before_

He knew she would be the one to find him. The one to go to his apartment to look for him and track his down to the hospital. For the first time since he walked into his apartment, he felt some sense of something other than fear or rage or pain. He wasn’t sure what it was but seeing Emily sitting next to him looking concerned helped him feel better. He wasn’t sure what would happen next, he was terrified for Emily, Jack and Haley’s sake more than his own but for this moment, as she held his hand, he didn’t feel as afraid anymore.  
  
 _Don’t let me go  
Don’t let me go  
Don’t let me go_

They watch the CCTV footage. Emily storming on the SUV like a warrior on a mission. They watch her fire her gun and move around the car. Another camera shows Doyle standing a few feet away from the car; close enough to be convincing, far enough to save himself. It’s now that Aaron realises how courageous Emily is, how determined. How strong and resolute. It just makes all of them more determined to find her. Losing Emily is not an option and he would die before he let that happen. He was supposed to help her; had he known about Doyle, he would have protected her. Once again however, she had protected him.   
  
_Picture, you’re the queen of everything  
As far as the eye can see  
Under your command  
I will be your guardian  
When all is crumbling  
I steady your hand_

His foot doesn’t stop tapping the floor. They’ve been in the hospital waiting room for hours. Aaron took that time to lose himself in his thoughts; flashes of what could have been conflicted with the sight of Emily’s wounds, the wooden stake impaled in her torso. He wasn’t much of a praying man but he prayed now. If she lived, the first thing he would do would be to tell her how he really felt. He would put it right, give themselves the chance they had denied one another for years.  
  
 _You can never say never  
While we don’t know when  
Time, time, time again  
Younger now than we were before_

Emily knew he would see her before she left. According to JJ, he was the only one who knew that she was alive. As they stood in the hospital room, (the fact that Emily was able to get out of bed meant they had to put her into hiding as soon as possible) Aaron put his arms around Emily and she allowed herself to cry. She never wanted any of this to happen. She didn’t want to leave. But she had to. To save the people she loved, this was a sacrifice that she had to make. Someday she would return. Someday.  
  
 _Don’t let me go  
Don’t let me go  
Don’t let me go_  
  
After her return, they tried to get things to return to how they were before. It wasn’t easy. Emily knew she had to talk to Aaron about her bad days but she closed herself off until she had no choice but to talk. They’re closer than they’ve ever been before; but there’s a distance between them. An invisible wall that the pain of their pasts refuses to let either of them cross. They try however. Nobody can say that they didn’t try.

_We’re falling apart and coming together again and again  
We’re growing apart but we pull it together, pull it together, together again_

Aaron knew she had been considering Clyde’s offer from the moment she had heard it. He understood that. Things had changed so much and the move to London was probably the best thing for her. A very selfish part of him however didn’t want to see her go. Just so he didn’t have to lose her again. However this was about Emily not him. Emily’s feelings and wellbeing took priority far more than his did. 

“I’ll miss you,” Aaron whispered as they danced together and Emily gave a subtle nod, knowing the weight and meaning of those three words and what they really meant instead. The three words both had wanted to say to each other for years but never did. Never had the right time or the courage to say them. Not even now.

“I’ll miss you too.” Emily replied and Aaron knew it was her way of knowing what he really meant to say and she reciprocated it. Maybe in another lifetime things would have been different. Maybe…  
  
 _Don’t let me go  
Don’t let me go  
Don’t let me go_


	4. Sally's Song - The Nightmare Before Christmas

She had known that something had been wrong the moment he didn’t answer his phone when they got the case that morning. Even at his apartment, she was suspicious that she had known what had happened. However she knew that this was clearly only the beginning of something terrible. When she went to the hospital and saw him lying there, she didn’t know what to do or what to say when he woke up. 

And still that feeling remained when he woke up, when they realised that Haley and Jack were the next targets and when she watched the farewells exchanged between Aaron, Haley and Jack. The dark, foreboding feeling in the pit of her stomach just refused to go away. It was like all her instincts were telling her that this was only the beginning and whatever this was, it wouldn’t end well. 

_I sense there’s something in the wind  
That feels like tragedy’s at hand  
And though I’d like to stand by him  
Can’t shake this feeling that I have  
The worst is just around the bend_

Emily had never told anyone. Not JJ, or Garcia, definitely none of the guys and especially not Aaron about how she felt. How those feelings had been there from at least the case in New York last year. Emily knew she loved Aaron, she knew that she was in love with Aaron, yet she never saw any indication that those feelings would be reciprocated. Now, that just seemed like the most tactless route of thinking. Aaron had been stabbed several times, almost died and the serial killer who tried to kill him was now targeting his son and ex-wife. This was not the time to focus on her feelings. 

It was time she accepted the truth, nothing would ever happen between her and Aaron and now was not the time to go wandering about blabbing about her feelings for him. Right now, he needed a friend. And she could be that, if nothing else. 

_And does he notice my feelings for him?  
And will he see how much he means to me?  
I think it’s not to be_

They had all seen the changes in behaviour, been worried about his changes in behaviour. Morgan was the most vocal about his concern, Rossi came to Aaron’s aid the most; JJ, Reid and Garcia kept their concerns quiet but were conflicted between defending Aaron and acknowledging that his change in behaviour and demeanour was a concern. Emily however, talked to Aaron about it the most. She understood that he was angry at himself and the mistakes that happened on a case were an excuse for him to vent about things he thought would have prevented what happened to him and his family. It was understandable. The first few cases were difficult but they were all adjusting; trying to cope.

It was no surprise that he temporarily stepped down. They all knew it was coming and when he confirmed the reasons why; to make it seem like he was completely losing control instead of only losing his temper at himself, they all understood. Emily wanted to join in with the team’s encouragement and support for Morgan as he unwillingly stepped up to the plate. However she was still concerned about Aaron. Whether this plan would actually work and what would happen if it didn’t. She had been worrying about him a lot lately.

_What will become of my dear friend?  
Where will his actions lead us then?  
Although I’d like to join the crowd  
In their enthusiastic cloud_

She reached out to him. She did things that she didn’t have to do; like driving him to and from the BAU on his first day back; asking him how he was; even dropping by in the evenings with food to make sure that he was eating and not running himself into the ground. She had stopped caring about what people thought. She knew her actions were that of someone who loved and was in love. However she had accepted that until this whole thing was over; her feelings were on the back burner. 

That wasn’t to say that Aaron was unaware of what she was doing. He thanked her, treated her to lunch or coffee and warned her about what could happen if Foyet was really stalking him and saw Emily at his apartment that often. When he had warned her about that, Emily had dismissed it. Like she promised herself that day in the hospital. If they found Foyet and she got her hands on him before Aaron, she would rip his head from his shoulders with her bare hands. She even got a hug once. Considering that Aaron wasn’t an overly tactile person; that really said a lot about how much he appreciated her help.

Even if she knew nothing would ever happen between them.

_Try as I may, it doesn’t last_   
_And will we ever end up together?_   
_No, I think not, it’s never to become_

“Hotch! Aaron!” Emily snapped as they walked out of the prison and she grabbed his arm. They could still hear Arnold’s mocking triumphant laughter in their ears and under Emily’s determined gaze, Aaron’s anger gave way to fear and Emily hugged him tightly as the tears came. Time was running out, Foyet had dealt his last card and they had to pull everything together to find him before he found Haley and Jack. This was their one last chance.

“He knows where they are.” Aaron admittedly brokenly. Already he knew he had failed. He may as well have killed them himself for all the good it would have done.

“We don’t know that and we will find him. He’ll screw up, they always do. This isn’t over.” Emily insisted, despite the dark, clenching feeling of foreboding that had returned in the pit of her stomach. “We will end Foyet, find Haley and Jack and things will be OK.”

“I love them,” Aaron admitted. How could he not? Jack was his only child and he knew that despite the divorce, a part of him would always love Haley and if anything happened, he would never forgive himself.

Emily clung that little bit tighter onto Aaron as they stood by the SUV. She was no fool. She knew that all along. It didn’t hurt to hear what she already knew; it just confirmed what she had already accepted. “I know you do and it will be OK. I promise.”

Even though they both knew that was an empty promise. 

_For I am not the one_


	5. Chasing Cars - Snow Patrol

“What are you doing here?” Aaron asked Emily who was standing on his doorstep. Emily looked at him skeptically and waited for Aaron to let her inside. Aaron let her in and Emily didn’t reply as she looked around his apartment. She noticed the bleach stain on the carpet, the repaired hole in the wall. She knew that he was cutting himself off, isolating himself from the team. She wasn’t having that. She wouldn’t let him close himself off from everyone. They were in this together. 

“For you,” Emily replied truthfully. 

_We’ll do it all  
Everything  
On our own  
We don’t need  
Anything  
Or anyone_

“Where’s Emily?” Aaron asked as he looked around. Emily had gone AWOL and none of the team had seen her. The case had taken them out to rural Indiana and Emily had disappeared. Aaron walked out of the police precinct and found Emily lying on the grass at the side of the precinct, her crossed arms behind her head as she stared up at the sky. “Emily?”

“Hi,” Emily replied without looking up. “I was just gazing at the sky. We never see stars like this in DC and when I was a kid, it always amazed me that no matter where I was in the world, I always saw the same stars and moon.”

“It is nice,” Aaron replied as he looked at the sky and Emily patted the patch of grass next to her. Aaron shook his head but sat down next to her. Emily didn’t move her hand when his hand closed over hers.  
  
 _If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

She had always been certain of how she felt. She knew her mind, she knew her heart but actually vocalising those words was where the problem lay. How could she say them when now was the worst possible time in the world to do so? However on the day everything went wrong, the day Haley died, her last words wouldn’t remove themselves from Emily’s head. People talked about love way too much but at the same time, nobody ever really said it enough. Herself included.  
  
 _I don’t quite know  
How to say  
How I feel  
Those three words  
Are said too much  
They’re not enough_

It wasn’t any surprise to her that Aaron would make a fuss over her on the jet home. Then again she had been hit by a truck, had almost no sleep and felt like (if not also looked like) the walking dead. As Emily lay down on the sofa at the back of the jet, Aaron settled himself into the seat next to her and although he didn’t lie with her, he was there for when the nightmares came. The same way she had been there when the nightmares came for him.  
  
 _If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

“How have you both been doing?” Emily asked Aaron as they watched Jack run around the playground with the other kids. They had been so busy with work that it had been difficult to spend time together to talk about things. 

“Better,” Aaron replied. “Jack’s been coping far better than I thought he would.”

“He’s as tough as his dad,” Emily smiled as they watched Jack play in the summer sunshine. It had been eight months since Haley had died and things had gotten better. They were still close friends but the feelings they had for each other hadn’t changed. Nor had they talked about them. When the time was right, however, then they would. But not now, not yet.   
  
_Forget what we’re told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life_

“Emily, you would tell me if something was wrong, wouldn’t you?” Aaron asked Emily who looked at him with what she hoped was a convincing expression. She wanted to tell him what was wrong. She couldn’t tell him what was wrong. Doyle had played her, told her that if the team stayed out of what he was doing and her attempts to take him down then they would be safe. He had been planning to take out the people who put him in prison and their families, knowing full well that those family annihilations on American soil would get the BAU involved. She should have seen it coming. Now there was really only one thing she could do now. What she should have done the moment she met Ian Doyle. Kill him.

“Of course I would,” Emily replied as Aaron gave her a knowing look.

“We’re ready to give the profile,” Aaron replied and went to turn away before Emily put her hand on her arm. If she was going to die, she could at least die with one less regret. 

Aaron didn’t hesitate to kiss Emily back when she kissed him. Both of them put everything that they couldn’t say into the kiss and he knew why she was kissing him now. Why she hadn’t done it before. A last kiss for the condemned. When they broke apart, Aaron looked at her and gently wiped the tear that ran down her cheek. “Emily,”

“Don’t come after me.” Emily replied as they walked back into the bullpen. Aaron hadn’t seen her leave the bullpen when he gave the profile, but the second she had gone, he knew he would break that promise and bring her home.  
  
 _Let’s waste time  
Chasing cars  
Around our heads  
I need your grace  
To remind me  
To find my own_

When she came around, she was groggy, in pain and terrified. She wasn’t supposed to be alive and she knew before she was told that Doyle had escaped. The fear and concern in JJ and Aaron’s eyes as they explained her injuries told her before they admitted that she would have to go into hiding. When JJ slipped out of the room, Aaron walked over to the bed and Emily shifted over to allow him onto the bed. She couldn’t let Doyle be the last person who touched her and she needed Aaron. She needed the comfort and the few precious moments of oblivion that came from his embrace before it was gone, possibly forever.   
  
_If I lay here  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?_

“She’s alive?” Garcia whispered as Emily walked into the room. Before any of them could say or do anything, Aaron rushed over to her and hugged her tightly. Emily gripped back and rested her head on his shoulder. For the first time in so long, she felt safe. Emily stepped back from Aaron and looked at the rest of the team. There would be anger, that she could already see in Morgan and Reid’s eyes, explanations and a lot of damage to fix. However for now, her priority was Declan. Nothing else but that mattered right now. There would be conversations and discussions and explanations but not now, not yet.

_Forget what we’re told  
Before we get too old  
Show me a garden that’s bursting into life  
All that I am  
All that I ever was  
Is here in your perfect eyes, they’re all I can see_

Within a month or so of Emily’s return, both she and Aaron felt like she had never left. They still had the same conversations; the same level of trust and understanding between each other. Her relationships with Morgan and Reid took some fixing but with her and Aaron, everything was the same as it was before. They never properly discussed the fact Emily had kissed him but they didn’t need to. It was like everything else, something that they accepted and understood and hadn’t changed what had been there before everything had gone to Hell. Both of them were each other’s constant in their lives, someone who could never be changed and could always be relied to help whenever they needed it.  
  
 _I don’t know where  
Confused about how as well  
Just know that these things will never change for us at all_

“Why am I not surprised?” Aaron asked good-naturedly as he walked across Dave’s garden, away from the dancefloor to find Emily lying on the grass, not caring about her dress and looking up at the sky. Emily looked up and smiled at him.

“I need to clear my head. A lot’s happened over the past few days, I need time to think.” Emily replied. The bank heist, the bombing, the wedding, the offer from Interpol; there was a lot to take in. Aaron walked over and sat down on the ground next to Emily.

“Mind if I join you?” Aaron asked and Emily smiled at him.

“Of course not.” Emily replied as they lay down on the ground, staring up at the night sky together.  
  
 _If I lay here_  
If I just lay here  
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


	6. Make You Feel My Love - Adele

He found her outside the church, shivering with snow in her hair, a photograph in her hand and a tissue clutched to her nose. He still felt terrible about how he had acted with Emily in this case. He should have been more supportive from the beginning but he could be here now. He knew that Emily knew he was there, she lifted her head at the sound of his footprints crunching on the snow and Emily looked at Aaron. Aaron stepped forward to Emily and slowly. uncertainly put his arms around her. Emily hesitated before she accepted the hug, she was still annoyed at Aaron and how he treated her after Matthew’s death; but he had done everything to help catch the priests who had done it and he was here now. It wasn’t much,but it helped. 

_When the rain is blowing in your face,  
And the whole world is on your case,  
I could offer you a warm embrace  
To make you feel my love._

“Aaron?” Emily called out as she slipped into his office. He had been in there all afternoon ever since they discovered that Foyet managed to escape prison. The guy seemed to always be two steps ahead of them. She knew that he was still blaming himself for the bus shootings, despite what Rossi had tried to tell him. Therefore when Aaron glanced up before glancing away again; she wasn’t surprised to see the redness of his eyes. He had to stop doing that, putting so much pressure on himself. It wasn’t healthy. 

Emily walked over and hugged Aaron tightly. She couldn’t shake off the feeling that this was the start of something horrible but for now, she could just be here for him.  
  
 _When the evening shadows and the stars appear,  
And there is no one there to dry your tears,  
I could hold you for a million years  
To make you feel my love._

“Are you serious?” Emily asked as her and Aaron’s conversation was cut off by his phone ringing. They had been doing a lot of this lately, hanging out, spending time together, becoming closer. Neither of them had confirmed or denied the feelings they have for each other. 

“Sadly, yes. We’re going to Detroit.” Aaron replied and Emily shook her head. It was late at night and both of them were exhausted. This one was going to be Hell, they could tell it already. When it was over, they would talk about it properly.  
  
 _I know you haven’t made your mind up yet,  
But I will never do you wrong.  
I’ve known it from the moment that we met,  
No doubt in my mind where you belong._

In the weeks after Canada, after Aaron’s attack, after everything went to Hell in a handbasket; Emily knew she had to reach out to Aaron more. He was already becoming distant, closing himself off at a time when he knew he needed the team’s support more than ever. She had been alone, cut off from everyone she knew and cared about, she knew how isolating and terrifying it was. She wouldn’t let Aaron put himself through that torment; no matter what happened. She wouldn’t let that happen.   
  
_I’d go hungry; I’d go black and blue,  
And I’d go crawling down the avenue.  
No, there’s nothing that I wouldn’t do  
To make you feel my love._

“Just play along,” Emily hissed at their latest unsub; the cold, evil son a bitch who targeted and trapped women in their own homes. It was something that had hit far too close to home for all of them. Anger at this case and what had happened just over a week ago coursed through her veins and as soon as they were back at the precinct, she had called Aaron. She knew that he had been considering retirement and she wanted to know how he felt about that, plus hearing his voice and Jack chattering in the background helped to calm her down again. Aaron didn’t need to know the ins and outs of this case. It was too close for them; it would be even worse for him. Just talking helped her feel better, she hoped it was the same for him.  
  
 _The storms are raging on the rolling sea  
And on the highway of regret.  
The winds of change are blowing wild and free,  
You ain’t seen nothing like me yet._

There were some good days that came with the turn of the year. There were days when they could almost forget the monsters they hunted and the demons which lurked in the shadows. The first good day that Emily remembered, was the day when, for some reason, she and Morgan had gotten the idea in their heads that they ought to prank Rossi. As they set up their prank, Emily had noticed Aaron watching them and when a furious Rossi became victim of his booby-trapped office; Morgan had fled the bullpen and Emily sought refuge in Aaron’s office. As she pressed herself against the bookcase at the back of his office, she could hear the amusement in Aaron’s voice as Rossi left his office and Emily emerged from her hiding place. The two of them looked at one another and for the first time in so long, Emily heard something that she had almost forgotten the sound of. Aaron was laughing. Indeed the two of them stood in his office, in total hysterics and it was such a rare, pure and joyful sound that nobody could say anything about it.

When the laughter stopped, Aaron looked at Emily and smiled. “Thanks Emily, I really needed that.”

“Anytime.” Emily replied with a grin. And she meant it. Seeing him so happy confirmed what she thought and felt. There was nothing she wouldn’t do for him or Jack. It’s what you did when you loved someone.  
  
 _I could make you happy, make your dreams come true.  
Nothing that I wouldn’t do.  
Go to the ends of the Earth for you,  
To make you feel my love  
To make you feel my love_


	7. Shut Up And Dance - Walk the Moon

“I love this song!” Emily grinned as she heard the song that the DJ started to play. Before Aaron could say anything, she had taken his hand and pulled him to his feet. “Come on, dance with me!”

“I’m not-” Aaron began and Emily looked at him. She had seen him dance before, he wasn’t terrible at it and she really wanted him to dance with her. Aaron looked back and smiled at her. He had wanted this to happen for a long time and one dance really couldn’t hurt. 

_“Oh don’t you dare look back.  
Just keep your eyes on me.”  
I said, “You’re holding back, ”  
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”  
This woman is my destiny  
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,  
Shut up and dance with me.”_

That night had been the first time they had danced together but it wasn’t the last. When they went to a bar with the team and there was music, usually at some point, Aaron found himself being pulled onto the dance floor by Emily. Not that he minded, when he had the chance to hold her in his arms, feel her body move against his; he had never found the right time to tell her how he felt about her but when they danced together; that was enough for him. Maybe someday, he could tell her. But not yet.  
  
 _We were victims of the night,  
The chemical, physical, kryptonite  
Helpless to the bass and the fading light  
Oh, we were bound to get together,  
Bound to get together._

It was one of the first nights out they had had since Emily had returned and for the most part, she had been quiet; she joined in with their jokes but they could all tell that the air of discomfort was still all around them. Aaron was just about to offer her to talk quietly before music began to play and her face brightened. It was a fast track and one they all knew never failed to get her onto the dance floor. Emily took Aaron’s arm and looked at him, knowing that he wouldn’t refuse her a dance, indeed Aaron followed her onto the dancefloor; easily singing and dancing along for the song. He noticed by the time the song ended, some of the heaviness on her shoulders had lifted and there was a smile on her face, a genuine one. One that none of them had seen in a very long time.   
  
_She took my arm,  
I don’t know how it happened.  
We took the floor and she said,  
“Oh, don’t you dare look back.  
Just keep your eyes on me.”  
I said, “You’re holding back, ”  
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”  
This woman is my destiny  
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,  
Shut up and dance with me.”_

“I’m having a bad day.” Emily admitted and Aaron looked at her. The whole way home, they had talked in whispers about why today was a bad day. Later that evening, when he had taken her home and they had talked some more about it, Aaron knew what to do. Despite how bad she felt, Emily gave a flicker of a smile when Aaron started to play music and offered her his hand. Emily stood up and took his hand, she still felt terrible but she had to admit, dancing with Aaron was helping. It felt nice to dance with him like this. It felt secure, safe; feelings she had forgotten what they felt like.   
  
_A backless dress and some beat up sneaks,  
My discothèque, Juliet teenage dream.  
I felt it in my chest as she looked at me.  
I knew we were bound to be together,  
Bound to be together_

They had all gone out after his triathlon, they had to celebrate and before long, he and Emily had ended up on the dancefloor together. By now, it was almost routine for them to dance together at some point anytime they were out with the team. He no longer fought it, instead both of them embraced it. It was their thing. Something that was just for the two of them, nobody else. When they danced, everything else disappeared save for the two of them. Both of them were just transfixed on each other, on the music and how easily and rhythmically their bodies moved together to the songs that were playing. Nothing else existed, nothing else mattered.   
  
_She took my arm,  
I don’t know how it happened.  
We took the floor and she said,  
“Oh, don’t you dare look back.  
Just keep your eyes on me.”  
I said, “You’re holding back, ”  
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”  
This woman is my destiny  
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,  
Shut up and dance with me.”_

“We’ll talk about it on Monday,” Aaron offered and Emily managed a small smile. 

“It’s a date,” Emily replied even though both of them knew there was very little to discuss. The change was exactly what Emily needed, not just professionally but emotionally and mentally. She needed the new start, the change and he understood that. As they watched the wedding and ate and waited for the music to start, it suddenly hit Aaron that she would really be leaving them, leaving him. He wasn’t sure if he was ready for that.  
  
 _Oh, come on girl!  
Deep in her eyes,  
I think I see the future.  
I realize this is my last chance._

He didn’t think twice about cutting in with her dance with Rossi to dance with her. They were both old hats at this game but this dance was definitely different to all the others. Emily was just as aware of this and even when he leaned over and whispered in her ear, she looked at him and he could see the sincerity in her eyes and he couldn’t look away. If this was their last dance then he wanted to remember every moment, every movement. Both of them knew that if things had been different, in another lifetime, this would have been a very different dance. What it was at the moment however, was enough.  
  
 _She took my arm,  
I don’t know how it happened.  
We took the floor and she said,  
“Oh, don’t you dare look back.  
Just keep your eyes on me.”  
I said, “You’re holding back, ”  
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”  
This woman is my destiny  
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,  
Shut up and dance!”_

“How much longer do we have you for Emily?” Aaron asked as Emily bit her lip and checked her watch. 

“About six hours,” Emily replied as she smiled at the team; taking in all of them. JJ who was safe in Will’s arm; Morgan, Rossi and Reid who all hadn’t changed a bit. Garcia who was talking to Alex, whom she already liked and accepted as one of her family. 

“So enough time for a dance?” Aaron offered as they started to hear music play and Emily grinned back at him. 

“Always,” Emily replied as they went and did the one thing they did just as well as kick ass; dance. 

_“Don’t you dare look back._  
Just keep your eyes on me.”  
I said, “You’re holding back, ”  
She said, “Shut up and dance with me!”  
This woman is my destiny  
She said, “Ooh-ooh-hoo,  
Shut up and dance with me.”


	8. Safe and Sound - Taylor Swift

Emily didn’t know how she managed to look at the team, especially Aaron, the morning after she had met Sean in the bar. The words he had said were enough to turn her entire world on its’ head. As she walked into the bullpen, she could hear Aaron telling them about Jack and the pure happiness she could see in him as he talked about his son, convinced her that the course of action she planned to take was the right one. She still remembered when his life had been the one consumed by fear and darkness when a madman was after him. Now it was her turn but unlike Aaron; to save his life, indeed the team’s lives; she had to do this alone. It was the only way. 

_I remember tears streaming down your face  
When I said, “I’ll never let you go”  
When all those shadows almost killed your light  
I remember you said, “Don’t leave me here alone”  
But all that’s dead and gone and passed tonight_

She needed to be more careful. Reid had overheard her call to Tsia and heard her say those four words; ‘Lauren Reynolds in dead’. The first of them had already fallen, Jeremy was dead. She had no idea who was next but she was certain she would be the last to die. She was the one who had betrayed Doyle, the one who hurt him the most. He would have the most anger and hatred for her and therefore her punishment would be the last and the most severe. Emily felt a chill rush down her spine as she looked around the jet. Everyone was asleep and her gaze fell on Aaron. 

It always amazed her how peaceful he looked when he was asleep. All the stress seemed to fade from his face and there was almost a sort of innocence there. If anyone saw him asleep; they wouldn’t think that he had seen the horrors that he had seen. Or that he or any of the team would have to see the horrors that were to come. If she had her way; they wouldn’t. She would do whatever she had to in order to protect them. She had no other choice.  
  
 _Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You’ll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I’ll be safe and sound_

He wasn’t stupid. He saw the change in Emily’s behaviour almost instantly. The way she had distanced herself, closed herself off from the team, from him. He couldn’t shake off the feeling of unease. It was as though they were all hurtling headfirst into a danger only Emily was aware of. He tried to reach out to her, speak to her. When they returned from their last case, in Louisiana, he had invited Emily to his apartment to spend time with him and Jack but she had refused. 

He didn’t know where she went that night, but when she came in the next morning; her fear seemed to have been replaced with cold determination. Apparently whatever had been scaring her was no longer scaring her. He wasn’t entirely sure if that was good or bad.  
  
 _Don’t you dare look out your window darling  
Everything’s on fire  
The war outside our door keeps raging on  
Hold onto this lullaby  
Even when the music’s gone  
Gone_

Emily took a deep breath as she wiped her eyes and waited outside the Black Shamrock. Everything had been leading to this. She should have seen the lie for what it was when Doyle told her that if the team stayed out; they would be safe. He planned to get them involved from the start. She had to do this. If she died; then she died protecting the people she loved, the man she loved. Emily reached across the seat for her gun and took a moment to compose herself; closing her eyes and breathing deeply. One way or the other, this ended tonight.  
  
 _Just close your eyes  
The sun is going down  
You’ll be alright  
No one can hurt you now  
Come morning light  
You and I’ll be safe and sound_  
  
Aaron looked at Emily as she lay unconscious in the bed. As far as the rest of the world knew, she was dead. For as long as it took for them to find Doyle, she would have to be dead. Aaron reached over and took her limp hand in his. It wouldn’t be for forever, but it would be long enough. The day would come when she would be home and safe with them again. When that would be, they didn’t know. If there was any other way of saving her life; he would do it in a heartbeat. What they were doing was keeping Emily alive. They couldn’t lose her. He couldn’t lose her. Not now. Not ever.  
  
 _Just close your eyes  
You’ll be alright  
Come morning light,  
You and I’ll be safe and sound…_  
  



	9. Oceans - Seafret

Of course he was attracted to her. How could he not be? She was always beautiful, she was strong, brave, loyal, smart, funny and loving. Sometimes he allowed his mind to wander into dangerous territory. To a place where he was able to love Emily Prentiss and show her how much he loved her. To be able to hold her, kiss her, let her know what she did to him and what he felt for her. That wasn’t too much to ask was it? Sadly it was.

_I want you  
Yeah I want you  
And nothing comes close  
To the way that I need you  
I wish I can feel your skin  
And I want you  
From somewhere within_

They had become good friends but they were very similar in one aspect. When it came to their emotions, showing how they really felt; both he and Emily were as bad as each other. Neither liked to show anything which could be misinterpreted as weakness. Both of them liked to be in control of their emotions and love was the one emotion that nobody really had any control over. As much as it hurt him, they both put space between themselves to try and convince each other that those feelings existed. Even though they both were well aware of what was there.   
  
_It feels like there’s oceans  
Between me and you once again  
We hide our emotions  
Under the surface and tryin’ to pretend  
But it feels like there’s oceans  
Between you and me_

She didn’t exactly like having to hide her feelings from him. Had he been anyone else, she probably would have told him how she felt a long time ago. It wasn’t a confidence issue. It was just too complicated for them to have a relationship. It could ruin their jobs, their friendship. She wasn’t going to do that. She was used to putting everyone else’s needs before her own and she was OK with her feelings as they were.

And if she believed that, she could believe anything.

_I want you  
And I always will  
I wish I was worth  
But I know what you deserve  
You know I’d rather drown  
Than to go on without you  
But you’re pulling me down_

It hurt to pull away from him, especially after they had become so close. Both of them had been there for each other in a time when they both thought they had no one. If things were different, if she knew that she could take that chance then she would do so in a heartbeat. However just as she was trying to hide her feelings, it seemed that Aaron was doing the same; trying to distance himself from her as they both knew that what they wanted could never happen.   
  
_It feels like there’s oceans  
Between you and me once again  
We hide our emotions  
Under the surface and try to pretend  
But it feels like there’s oceans  
Between you and me_

Aaron missed Emily when she went to London. Maybe if he had taken that chance, said something, did something about how he felt about her then she might have stayed. They both knew that the move to London had been the best thing for her mental and emotional well being but he still missed her. Things could have been different but the past was the past. They still had a say in their future however.

_I want you  
I want you  
And always will_

Emily looked up at the sound of someone knocking at her door. It was quite late and she wasn’t expecting anyone. Out of habit and well-honed instincts Emily grabbed her gun and inched towards the door. Checking the spy hole, Emily almost dropped the gun at the sight of who was on the other side of the door. Even as she opened the door, she felt like her eyes were playing tricks on her as she looked at Aaron who smiled at her. What was he doing here? How had he got here? 

Then he smiled at her and those questions disappeared from her mind as she hugged him tightly. It didn’t matter. He was here.  
  
 _It feels like there’s oceans  
Between you and me _


	10. Little Talks - Of Monsters and Men

Everyone else had gone home but Emily couldn’t bring herself to leave the bullpen. All she could think about was that one of the last times she had been in there had been before she walked out just as the team gave their profile on Doyle. The more recent bad memories were suffocating the good and although she knew she had to go, she couldn’t.

“Emily? You’re still here?” Aaron asked and Emily jumped before looking at him. She could see the questioning look in his eyes but she knew he wouldn’t believe her explanation as to why she was still there. Too many ghosts were keeping her there.

_I don’t like walking around this old and empty house  
So hold my hand, I’ll walk with you my dear  
The stairs creak as I sleep,  
It’s keeping me awake  
It’s the house telling you to close your eyes_

“I just want you to promise me, when you do have a bad day, tell me about it.” Aaron offered to Emily who cursed the tears in her eyes. Stupid emotional fragility. Still, it was a lifeline. One that she could use as she wasn’t really ready to talk to the others about how she really felt about everything. Emily looked at Aaron and nodded. It wasn’t much but it was something.

Aaron looked at Emily supportively. He knew this wasn’t going to be easy for her, he knew that before she lied her way through the psych evaluations. However he wanted to help her through this, whatever way he could.

_And some days I can’t even trust myself  
It’s killing me to see you this way  
‘Cause though the truth may vary  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_

“I’m having a bad day.” Emily admitted to Aaron who looked at her. He knew this case had gotten to her, the jibe aimed at her by one of the Piano Man’s survivors. Aaron reached over the table and gently took her hand. The rest of the team were getting onto the jet and noticed the two sitting together. They noticed but decided not to comment on it. This was something for the two of them to talk about. They would talk to the rest of them about it when Emily was ready.

_There’s an old voice in my head_   
_That’s holding me back  
Well tell her that I miss our little talks  
Soon it will all be over, and buried with our past  
We used to play outside when we were young  
And full of life and full of love_

“Is everything OK, with you?” Emily asked Aaron. It had been a month or so after Jack’s problems at school and their conversation about her bad day but she was worried about him. He seemed troubled. Aaron looked at her and shrugged his shoulders. He was certain he was OK but he was becoming more aware of some issues he was having.

“I think so,” Aaron replied as Emily looked at him. He knew that look, it was same look he gave her when he knew something was wrong and she didn’t want to talk about it.

“Well, when you’re ready, you can talk to me.” Emily replied as she walked back towards her desk.

_Some days I don’t know if I am wrong or right.  
Your mind is playing tricks on you my dear  
‘Cause though the truth may vary  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_

Emily looked at the phone after the call had ended and JJ and Reid had left the room. Interpol. London. It was a huge step. A massive change. Hadn’t her life been through enough change as it was over the past year? She had enough to worry about now but even as they tried to find Will and when she helped him defuse the bomb; Emily had the thought of London in her mind. When Aaron looked at her, he knew this was something they had had to discuss. 

“It’s a date.”

_Don’t listen to a word I say  
The screams all sound the same  
Though the truth may vary  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_

“So London, it’s a great opportunity.” Aaron said to Emily as they sat in a cafe together with large mugs of coffee. Emily looked at her mug and shrugged her shoulders. She was still undecided but was leaning more towards going. She wasn’t sure if she should go or not. “Whatever you decide, there will always be a place here for you.”

“I know,” Emily replied. “I’m just not sure whether or not I should go. Every time I’m certain I’ve made up my mind, it changes again.”

“You’ll do what’s best for you. We’re all here for you, no matter what.” Aaron reassured. He would miss Emily more than anything but it wouldn’t be like Paris. She would be safe and able to come back whenever she wanted to. They could even go and visit her.

_You’re gone, gone, gone away,  
I watched you disappear  
All that’s left is a ghost of you  
Now we’re torn, torn, torn apart,  
there’s nothing we can do,  
Just let me go, we’ll meet again soon_

“Call us when you land.” JJ said to Emily as they stood in the airport together. All of the team had come to see her off. Emily hugged JJ tightly and smiled.

“I will, I promise.” Emily said as she hugged the rest of the team and exchanged farewells before she turned to Aaron who hugged her tighter than the others had. They had agreed to contact each other every few days, work permitting in order to see how each other was getting on. Besides, Emily’s leaving wasn’t so much as a ‘goodbye’ as a ‘see you soon’.

_Now wait, wait, wait for me, please hang around  
I’ll see you when I fall asleep  
Don’t listen to a word I say  
The screams all sound the same  
Though the truth may vary  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_

“I’m on my way.” Emily said. She knew the moment he had called it had been nothing good. It was late his time and very late her time. However he had called and even before she heard everything he had to say, she knew she had to go back. Aaron was afraid. He rarely was afraid and JJ was in danger. When she had gotten onto the jet, Aaron explained further about what had happened and when he made a comment about her being their ‘back up’, Emily allowed herself a small smile. That had been a promise they had made to each other. When the other needed help, they would drop everything to do so and right now, they all needed her. Especially JJ.

_Don’t listen to a word I say  
The screams all sound the same  
Though the truth may vary  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_

Emily resisted the urge to roll her eyes when her PA told her that an agent from other agency had turned up at their offices without warning. If it was MI5 again, thinking they had the right to just walk in and take over her operations, they had another thing coming. Emily sighed and looked at her PA. “Send them in.”

“Yes Ma’am.” Her PA said and Emily expected to see of the several MI5 agents who seemed to make a habit of walking over her last nerves. To her surprise however, Aaron walked into the room and smiled at the dumbstruck look on her face. 

“Hello Emily,” Aaron said as Emily ran across the room and wrapped her arms around him tightly. Why he was there and how he got there could wait. All that mattered was that he was here with her. In those few moments, it felt like she wasn’t in London at all. Or even in DC. Right here, right now, she was home.

_Though the truth may vary  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore  
Though the truth may vary  
This ship will carry our bodies safe to shore_


	11. Say Something - A Great Big World

This was difficult on all of them but she was finding it harder than the others. It was bad enough being in love with someone who didn’t love you back. Even harder when you watch them plummet into a downwards spiral due to the serial killer who was threatening to kill his son and ex-wife. She was getting tired. Tired of having to be the strong one, the peacekeeper, the voice of reason, the one who put everyone else before herself. She knew she was being selfish and that just made her feel worse. She had to put her feelings on the back burner and be a friend to Aaron right now, that was what he needed. Even if it hurt her more and more with each passing day.

_Say something, I’m giving up on you  
I’ll be the one if you want me to  
Anywhere I would’ve followed you  
Say something, I’m giving up on you_

Emily had been a constant pillar of support for him. Ever since he had been stabbed, she had been with him every step of the way. She brought him back down to earth, reassured his fears and listened when he allowed himself to break. How he would have coped without Emily, he didn’t want to know. Aaron knew what he felt for Emily but he also knew he had to hide his feelings. He needed to in order to keep her safe. If anything happened to her, he would never be able to forgive himself. He couldn’t lose Emily. When this was over, he would put things right.  
  
 _And I… I’m feeling so small  
It was over my head  
I know nothing at all  
And I… will stumble and fall  
I’m still learning to love  
Just starting to crawl_

Something was wrong. He could see it in the way she talked, acted, interacted with him and the rest of the team. She was afraid. Nothing scared Emily so that meant that something was seriously wrong. He tried to talk to her, reach out to her, support her the way she had supported him. Every time however she had a different excuse or found a way to distance herself. He had to wonder if he had been like this when Emily reached out to him. Whatever it was that was bothering her, she had to know that he would help her. They all would. However Emily was refusing to talk. Whatever it was, surely it was nothing that they couldn’t handle. Right?  
  
 _Say something, I’m giving up on you  
I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you  
Anywhere I would’ve followed you  
Say something, I’m giving up on you_

“Where will I be going?” Emily asked as she sat up in the bed. There was so much in her head that she was hardly able to think straight. Doyle had escaped. The team thought she was dead. She had to go into hiding. For how long, nobody could say. 

“I can’t know,” Aaron replied as he sat on the bed and took her hand. “But we’ll find him Emily. I promise.”

“I’m so sorry, I never meant for any of this to happen. This is all my fault.” Emily said as she felt tears slip down her face. She shouldn’t have let go of the stake. She should have shot him that night they met on the concourse. She should have killed him in his sleep seven years ago.

“No Emily, none of this is your fault. We’ll find Doyle and when we do, you’ll be able to come home again and things will be OK.” Aaron said as he hugged Emily and she hugged him tighter. She hoped he was right. She didn’t have much time for hope these days but right now as much as she hated it, it was all she had.  
  
 _And I… will swallow my pride  
You’re the one that I love  
And I’m saying goodbye_

She wasn’t jealous. They were best friends, co-workers. It was just an infatuation and nothing could have come of it. It was inappropriate and against the rules. They couldn’t jepordise the team. Besides Aaron had Jack to think about and she, well, she just caused way too much trouble. Things were just too complicated for them, they had faced so many dangers and threats and been through so much pain. It probably would have never worked, close as they were; they still bickered sometimes. He deserved happiness, she could never begrudge him that and she had to admit, his new girlfriend seemed like a genuinely nice person. That almost made it worse in a way, her feelings would be more justifiable if she could hate her. Not that she was jealous of Beth or anything. She wasn’t jealous.

She wasn’t.   
  
_Say something, I’m giving up on you  
And I’m sorry that I couldn’t get to you  
And anywhere I would’ve followed you   
Say something, I’m giving up on you_

He knew even before they had that conversation the next day that she had already made her mind up. He seen it in the way she watched everyone dance, he seen the sadness in her eyes when she thought no one was looking, he seen the way she made sure to dance with all of them. Tonight wasn’t just celebrating JJ and Will’s marriage. Tonight was also Emily’s farewell to the team; the kind of bittersweet goodbye which she had been unable to have with them before. He knew she was leaving and despite being with Beth, he knew had he acted on his feelings for Emily, things would have been different. However what was done, was done. Aaron was really going to miss Emily though.

Maybe in another lifetime…  
  
 _Say something, I’m giving up on you  
Say something.._


	12. Arms - Christina Perri

As she sat in Strauss’ office, unable to consider a response that didn’t involve a lot of explicit language; Emily thought about what she had just been told. She had only been given this job as she was thought to be a useful spy. She had told herself that she would never do that again. She would never pretend to be someone she wasn’t to suit the needs of someone else. Strauss wanted her to ruin Aaron’s career but despite their rocky start they had managed to become friends. She wasn’t going to destroy him for her own gain. She was done with that.

_I never thought that you would be the one to hold my heart  
But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start_

Emily set her hand carefully over her bandage as she felt pain in her head again. Aaron looked back as she pulled herself up off the ambulance step and thought about what she said. She was glad to be back. She had risked everything to help him and the team. Aaron walked up to Emily and despite the fact people were looking at them, Aaron hugged her. It was the least he could do after all. It wasn’t much but it said a lot for both of them.  
  
 _You put your arms around me  
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go  
You put your arms around me and I’m home_

“Are you sure you’re OK with going to Colorado with Reid?” Aaron asked Emily who nodded as she looked over the information they had on the compound; the transcript of the phone conversation and what little information they had on Benjamin Cyrus.

“We’ll be fine,” Emily reassured Aaron. It would be pretty routine, get in, get the information they needed and get out. If the girls did reveal something they had to investigate alongside CPS then they would. Simple.

However as she lay beaten and bloody on the floor twenty four hours later, Emily didn’t give herself over to panic. If the media were talking about FBI agents in the compound that meant the team would be on the way, if they weren’t already there. It would be OK. They just had to wait it out.

_How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around?  
I can’t decide if I’ll let you save my life or if I’ll drown_  
  
He found her outside the church, the relatively empty streets made tracking her footprints through the snow much easier. They had become closer over the past few months and he knew that she needed him right now. When Emily was upset, she always tried to hide it but he knew; he knew because he did the same. It was hard, having to be strong for everyone all the time. Emily looked up as he walked over and didn’t bother trying to find something to say. Instead she walked over to him and allowed him to hug her tightly. 

For the first time since Matthew’s death, she felt comforted, safe, like everything would be OK.

_I hope that you see right through my walls  
I hope that you catch me ‘cause I’m already falling  
I’ll never let our love get so close  
You put your arms around me and I’m home_

“Aaron?” Emily called out as she walked into his office. As soon as they saw the news report, she knew this was the start of something horrible. That whatever happened next, it would be something that none of them were prepared for. Aaron looked up and Emily walked over and hugged him tightly. They had no idea what would happen next and that was probably the worst part of it all.

_The world is coming down on me and I can’t find a reason to be loved  
I never wanna leave you but I can’t make you bleed if I’m alone  
You put your arms around me  
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go…_

“This is horrific,” Emily whispered as they looked around the farm before they left. 89 pairs of shoes. 91 dead. 89 people slaughtered for an insane medical experiment that would never have worked. The two perpetrators all but executed for their crimes. A war hero arrested for avenging his sisters’ murder and a traumatised girl who was a child no longer. All this death and devastation and the knowledge that any of these people’s families; if they had families wouldn’t even have a body to bury and bring closure was even worse. 

“I know,” Aaron said as he put his arms around Emily. How much more would they all be able to take? How much more pain and devastation and horror and torment? He didn’t want to know. For once, he didn’t know what else to say. Even with Emily in his arms, he just wanted this to be over. He just wanted this day to end.  
  
 _I hope that you see right through my walls  
I hope that you catch me, ‘cause I’m already falling  
I’ll never let our love get so close  
You put your arms around me and I’m home_

Of course she was worried about him; they were all worried about him. Rossi was never wavering in his support but she could see the underlying worry in his eyes. Morgan was more outspoken about Aaron’s actions and how it was affecting all of them. JJ, Reid and Garcia were carefully keeping their opinions to themselves. Aaron was becoming more distant, closing himself off from her, from all of them and of course it was a cause for concern. She just wanted to be there for him, even if he wasn’t ready to let her in. 

“He’s got Tommy, he’s not alone.” Emily said, watching Aaron carefully for his reaction to what she was really saying. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow,” Aaron replied and Emily nodded as she left. It wouldn’t be easy and despite his best efforts to convince them otherwise, he needed the team, he needed her. They would end this. One way or the other.  
  
 _I try my best to never let you in to see the truth  
And I’ve never opened up  
I’ve never truly loved till you put your arms around me  
And I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go_

It took a long time for Jack to be put to bed that night. He still didn’t fully understand what had happened; he didn’t understand why Aaron was so upset and when it finally hit him that his mommy wasn’t coming home; it took a long time for the tears to stop. Indeed, Jack only stopped crying when he had exhausted himself so much that he had fallen asleep. Aaron and Emily slipped out of his bedroom and Aaron wiped his eyes before Emily hugged him tightly, hiding her own face and tears. This time, he didn’t pull away or refuse the support she was giving him. Instead he held on tighter and felt a small sense of comfort. Somehow, they would cope.  
  
 _I hope that you see right through my walls  
I hope that you catch me, 'cause I’m already falling  
I’ll never let our love get so close  
You put your arms around me and I’m home_

Out of all the cases they had to be handed after Haley’s murder; they had to investigate women who had been killed in their own homes by a man who mentally tortured them before the kill. She had felt so good when she finally pinned their unsub to the floor but now she just wanted to be back in DC. 

When the jet landed and they got back to the BAU, Emily didn’t hesitate to drive towards Aaron’s apartment. They had been talking every night she had been away and she knew he missed her as much as she had missed him. Emily walked into his apartment building and up the stairs. As soon as Aaron opened the door, he put his arms around her and hugged her tightly. He didn’t have to say anything; the hug was all she needed.  
  
 _You put your arms around me and I’m home_


	13. Pieces - Andrew Belle

She knew what it was the moment she heard that he had been the one caught in the explosion. Knew what that feeling of fear in her heart, that twist in her gut, that need to see him meant. It meant that the feelings she had been trying to suppress and hide were far stronger than she expected. They were becoming a problem but a minor problem compared to the fact the terrorist cell they were hunting had escalated from shootings to car bombs. She had seen that before. She would worry about her feelings later, right now she had to ~~see him~~ , focus on the case at hand. She would deal with the personal problem later.

_You and me  
Got ourselves a problem  
I can see this  
Better than I solve em_

Something had changed in New York, Aaron realised when he was taking his time coming back from the Angel Maker case. Now that he had more than a few minutes to think about it; it was obvious. Ever since he had been injured and Kate had been killed; Emily had been keeping a close eye on him. Normally he would have hated that but with her, he didn’t mind. She was the one who noticed when his ears started to hurt in the graveyard (in hindsight standing next to a crane lifting a coffin from the ground was not his best idea) and when they weren’t on a case; they had been talking more, spending more time together. It wasn’t really helping his attempts to control the feelings he was developing for Emily. But were those feelings really that bad?  
  
 _I believed  
I found a way around it  
I will leave  
This better than I found it_

As the smoke and flames billowed up from the ruins of the compound, Aaron wove his way through the agents, EMTs, firefighters and survivors to find Emily standing away from everyone watching the compound burn. Her battered face was illuminated by the flickering flames, highlighting her injuries and the tear tracks which were breaking through the dried blood and soot on her face. Emily looked up as he approached and quickly wiped her eyes as he carefully hugged her, mindful of her injuries. Emily hugged him back, resting her head against his chest.

“It’s OK, it’s over.” Aaron reassured her as he held onto her tightly.  
  
 _There’s too much smoke to see it  
There’s too much broke to feel this  
I love you, I love you  
And all of your pieces_

He found her outside the church, staring up at the large, imposing building. He had planned out an apology, a sincere one where he apologised for being such a jerk and the worst friend in the world. Because for this case; Emily hadn’t needed his support as her boss and co-worker; she had needed a friend. And he hadn’t been there; not until it was too late. He had made the calls he needed to get the Vatican involved but he knew it wasn’t enough.

Emily looked up as his footsteps crunched through the snow, her right hand pinching her nose with a bloody tissue and the right holding a photograph. Aaron walked over and gently tilted her head back until the bleeding stopped. When the bleeding did stop, Emily looked at him, blinking back tears as she looked at the photograph in her hand. Aaron glanced it and saw three happy, carefree teenagers holding hands. It was clearly fifteen year old Emily, Matthew and John; before they were forced to grow up too soon. 

“I’m so sorry,” Aaron apologised as he hugged Emily who held onto him tightly. He had been a jerk but he could make it right by being here for Emily now.  
  
 _There’s too much smoke to see it  
There’s too much broke to feel this  
I love you, I love you  
And all of your pieces_

Emily shook her head as she looked at the bus. She had seen a lot of horrible things but there was just something about this case that was really messing her up. All this blood and death and for what? The Reaper seemed to be one step ahead of them and it was affecting all of them but Aaron the most. She had seen him walk off but Rossi had intervened before she could as she looked at each of the victims. Shot then stabbed and their blood smeared onto the windows. Emily looked back at the ‘NO DEAL’ which had been dubbed on the windscreen. No deal. What did that mean? That the Reaper knew the deal was broken and he was fully free to do as he wished? Or had he offered his deal to someone else and had it turned down? As she turned her head to see Aaron and Rossi walk out of the alley; she knew it was the latter. 

Emily stepped off the bus and put her arms around Aaron. She saw the tears in his eyes and held onto him tighter. She had never seen him cry before. It just made her determined to find and stop the Reaper once and for all. However something told her that this was all just the beginning of something truly terrible.  
  
 _History’s a letter made of scarlet  
Victories look better when you’ve called it  
Misery’s the moment when I lost you  
It’s pleasure in a costume  
It’s more than what it cost you_

He couldn’t stop thinking about it the whole way home. 89 deaths on the pig farm. 89 innocent, senseless deaths. Two brothers who were all but executed for their crimes. A war hero, now imprisoned for avenging the one person he couldn’t save. A traumatised seventeen year old girl who was no longer a child and his team; who had had to watch the new lows and depths of depravity humanity sank itself too. When would it all get too much? When would they be like Gideon, like Elle, Jordan and all the agents who couldn’t bear to see and do what they saw and did? When did it all end? For once, he didn’t know. 

Aaron caught Emily’s eye as they walked across the asphalt and she hugged him tightly when they returned to the BAU and got into their cars. He returned the hug; unknowingly about to be grateful to have felt some sort of comfort after the horrors he had seen in Ontario and the greater horror that was waiting in his apartment for him to return…  
  
 _There’s too much smoke to see it  
There’s too much broke to feel this  
I love you, I love you  
And all of your pieces_

He couldn’t move. He was in too much pain to move. Even breathing hurt as he tried to drag oxygen into his wounded chest. The gaping wounds leaking blood everywhere as he tried to block out the taunts that came with every thrust of the knife. As he battled to remain conscious; his mind fell to Jack, Haley and Emily. Emily had been the last person to see him before this. The last one to hug him, speak to him and in that moment; he finally admitted the truth to himself. He loved her. That was the thought that was in his mind as he watched the address book page be ripped out and he finally lost the battle against the pain and his consciousness. If he died, let it be the last thought, the last truth he would admit.

‘I love you Emily.’  
  
 _There’s too much smoke to see it  
There’s too much broke to feel this  
I love you, I love you  
And all of your pieces_

Emily realised she was picking her thumb nail and quickly stopped as she and Aaron walked up to his apartment. Ever since his attack, she had reached out to him; tried to make sure he was coping as best he could; reassured him that he wasn’t alone. She didn’t care about her feelings anymore; they were on the back burner for the moment. Emily tried to find something to say as she watched Aaron move around his apartment. They were talking about the case but they both knew they were really talking about Aaron himself.

“He’s got Tommy, he’s not alone.” Emily said, her message loud and clear. ‘You have us, you’re not alone.’

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” Aaron replied and once again the walls were up. Emily nodded as she turned the door handle and left.   
  
_All of your pieces  
All of your pieces  
All of your pieces_

“I flirted with him,” Emily said disgustedly. She hadn’t wanted to do it. Flirt and get close to a killer to get information. She had been there, done that and burned the bridge afterwards. Aaron looked at her and she saw the guilt in his eyes. He had no idea why she was so disgusted with this and it was better not to know. However the feeling of his hand covering her’s felt reassuring as they looked at one another. Aside from working out that their unsub was female, this whole thing had been pointless. Emily shook her head as Arnold called them back in.

“Let’s just get this over with.” Emily muttered, both of them unaware of what was going to happen next. In hindsight, they ought to have seen it coming a mile off. But they hadn’t.  
  
 _All of your pieces  
All of your pieces  
All of your pieces_

“I’ll stay with them.” Emily said quietly to the rest of the team once they had done what had needed to be done at the house. Aaron was sitting in the SUV, holding onto Jack and looking lost as the coroner’s wheeled out Haley’s body. How they were going to get through this, she didn’t know. How were they supposed to pick up the pieces of Aaron and Jack’s shattered lives, help them through their grief when they had no idea what to do. They would have to figure it out. Somehow.

He wasn’t sure how, but somehow both he and Jack managed not to break down again until Emily had drove them away from the house. Maybe it was shock taking over. All he could do was focus on Jack who had refused to let go of him, save for when Aaron pulled the seat belt around them both. Right now, nothing made sense or felt real. It was only when they were inside the apartment and Emily quickly pushed away the now useless files on Foyet; that Aaron sank onto the couch, Jack still in his arms and they both began to cry.

Emily quickly wiped her own eyes and joined them on the couch; the promise she had made Haley in the hospital ringing in her ears. She would look after them. No matter what it took for her to do so.  
  
 _There’s too much smoke to see it  
There’s too much broke to feel this  
I love you, I love you  
And all of your pieces_

For one of the first times in so long, Aaron felt a smile cross his face as he listened to Emily telling Jack a bedtime story. One, if he had to hazard a guess, sounded like a fairytale version of the Colorado case; considering in Emily’s story Princess Emily and Sir Spencer were being held captive in the evil King Benjamin’s fortress. As Aaron stood in the doorway and listened to how the brave knights stormed the fortress and defeated the evil king and rescued the knight and princess; he didn’t bother ignoring the warm feeling in his chest as Emily kissed Jack on the forehead and tucked him in.

Emily had been the one who had taken him when he had been broken, picked the pieces back up and stuck them together. He had done it a few times for her but she had done it time and again for him and for Jack too. It just proved what he already knew and had tried to deny. Now he had to face and accept the truth, for their happiness in the very least. 

“Did you have a good story?” Aaron asked Jack who grinned.

“Emily tells the best stories.” Jack claimed and Aaron smiled at Emily.

“Yes she does,” Aaron said as he flicked on Jack’s night light and kissed him goodnight before he and Emily left the room. Much to Emily’s surprise, she found herself on the receiving end of a tight hug. Emily hugged him back and Aaron looked at her and finally had the courage to say what he had wanted to for so long. He had said it in his head before but never out loud and never to Emily. Now however he knew he could; because he knew he felt what he felt and that she deserved to finally hear the truth.

“I love you Emily.”  
  
 _There’s too much smoke to see it  
There’s too much broke to feel this  
I love you, I love you  
And all of your pieces_


	14. In My Veins - Andrew Belle

She didn’t say goodbye. Not properly. She couldn’t do goodbyes. No tears, no heartfelt tearful farewells. The most she could do was be there as a friend before finding some excuse to leave. There was no other way she could do it. She didn’t know if she had the strength to give them proper goodbyes; the sort of goodbyes that the condemned were supposed to give their loved ones. The condemned. She had been that the moment Ian Doyle escaped from prison. The past few weeks had been her farewell, her pantomime of making it seem like things were okay when they had been falling apart. Her past and her lies were catching up to her and this was the only way it could end.

_Nothing goes as planned  
Everything will break  
People say goodbye  
In their own special way  
All that you rely on  
And all that you can fake  
Will leave you in the morning  
But find you in the day_

“If anything happens to her, I will destroy you.” Aaron said to Clyde Easter before he walked out of the room. He meant it; as far as he was concerned, Clyde was just as responsible for Emily’s predicament as Doyle was. Had he done his job right and captured Doyle before he got to the States, they wouldn’t be in this mess. 

Aaron leaned against the wall and tried to stop the sickening, gut-clenching fear that was stirring deep in his stomach. He had only felt pure terror like this once before; the fear that came not only from having a loved one in danger but the knowledge that they wouldn’t save her in time. He honestly didn’t know what he would do without her. He knew how he felt for a long time but he had never admitted it. He loved Emily. He couldn’t lose her.   
  
_Oh, you’re in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you’re all I taste  
At night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
‘Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you’re in my veins  
And I cannot get you out_

She hadn’t expected to live. When she had fallen into unconsciousness, she had thought that that was it. And she had been ready to die. Just for the pain to go away; it would have been reason enough to die. However when she had woken up in hospital with Aaron and JJ at her side, she knew what they were going to say before they did. That she would have to go into hiding to protect all of them. So far, they were all alive and safe, she knew that they would keep Declan safe. She had never wanted any of this to happen, she didn’t want to leave the team, leave Aaron to go God Knows Where for God knows how long. Once again, there was no other choice; this was what had to be done. 

Someday she would come home and things would be OK again. Maybe.  
  
 _Everything will change  
Nothing stays the same  
Nobody here’s perfect  
Oh, but everyone’s to blame  
Oh, all that you rely on  
And all that you can save  
Will leave you in the morning  
And find you in the day_

He couldn’t stop thinking about her. The past six months had been horrible. He hated lying and yet he had had to lie to the team every day to keep them safe. All he could think about was Emily. Where she was, if she was safe, would he ever see her again? She found a way of worming her way into his thoughts. He would have to stop himself from giving her an order on a case or expect her to be in the bullpen; sharing a joke with the rest of the team. She appeared in his dreams, walked into his thoughts before she would disappear again. However she never disappeared for long; she was always in the back of his mind. 

_Oh, you’re in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you’re all I taste  
At night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
‘Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you’re in my veins  
And I cannot get you out_

When he had been offered the role in Pakistan, he hadn’t taken much time to agree to go. The only thing preventing him from going was Jack but once Jess had agreed to look after him then he had agreed to go. He couldn’t bear to keep looking at the team who were still so lost in their grief and maybe the change of scene would help get Emily out of his head.  
  
 _(No, I cannot get you out)  
(No, I cannot get you)  
(Oh no, I cannot get you out)  
(No, I cannot get you)_

Paris had been horrible. She only dared leave her apartment under heavy disguise, never took the same route twice, was constantly on edge wanting to look over her shoulder but knew she couldn’t. She only bought what she needed, kept the curtains closed, didn’t speak to anyone and with only her thoughts for company. It was unbearable sometimes but there a few days when it hadn’t been as bad. When the sun shone and she took the chance to walk around the city with the sunlight on her face. If only she had been in DC. Then it would have been bearable.   
  
_Everything is dark  
It’s more than you can take  
But you catch a glimpse of sun light  
Shining, shining down on your face  
Your face  
Oh your face_

Emily sighed as she thought about Aaron. He had a way of worming his way into her thoughts; it was him she thought of when she had a nightmare. She remembered the promise he had her; that they would find Doyle and she would come home. However it had been seven months, Doyle was patient and she knew it could take years for the team to catch him. When she thought about that, it just made her homesickness even worse. All she wanted was to be back in DC with Aaron and the rest of the team. She just wanted to be at home with him. How much longer would it take?  
  
 _Oh, you’re in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
Oh, you’re all I taste  
At night inside of my mouth  
Oh, you run away  
'Cause I am not what you found  
Oh, you’re in my veins  
And I cannot get you out  
(No)_

When Emily walked out of the interrogation room, she slumped against the wall and took a few deep breaths. She had actually faced him. It was only because she had to find Declan that she had had the courage to face him but she had done it. As Emily stood against the wall, Aaron walked out of the room with the two-way mirror and walked up to her. Aaron put his arms around Emily, who hugged him tightly. Aaron rubbed her back and held onto her.

“I missed you,” Aaron whispered and Emily nodded.

“I missed you too,” Emily replied as she stepped back and quickly dabbed her eyes. “Come on, Declan won’t have much time.”  
  
 _No, I cannot get you out  
(Oh, you’re in my veins)  
No, I cannot get you out  
Oh no, I cannot get you_


	15. Neptune - Sleeping At Last

Emily glanced back in the doorway at Aaron. She could see Rossi on the other side of the door talking to him and she didn’t need to be a genius to know that Aaron was crying about having to send Jack and Haley away. She could hear him asking himself, Rossi and (unknowingly) her what would Jack remember of him if it took another ten years for them to get Foyet and allow father and son to see each other again. Today had been difficult on all of them and something told her that things were going to become a lot worse before they would consider getting better.

_Pitch black, pale blue  
There was a stained glass, variation of the truth  
And I felt empty handed_

As soon as the door shut behind Emily, Aaron knew he had made a huge mistake. He wanted to open the door, call for her to come back but he couldn’t. He couldn’t dare endanger Emily or ask her to endanger herself by getting too close to him. At the same time, what Emily was really telling him a few minutes ago refused to get out of his head. He wasn’t alone. He knew he wasn’t alone but he couldn’t let anything happen to Emily no more than he could let anything happen to Haley and Jack. He would never be able to forgive himself.  
  
 _You let me  
Set sail, with cheap wood  
So I patched up every leak that I could  
Till the blame grew too heavy _

Emily honestly wasn’t surprised when Aaron decided to step down as unit chief temporarily. They talked about it after the case in DC, when the two of them and Rossi stayed and had drinks in his office. Whilst she knew it was part of the plan, she also knew that it was Aaron’s way of admitting that he really wasn’t handling things as well as he wanted them to think. She could see it, the weight on his shoulders, the pain in his eyes. He was breaking in front of her and she didn’t know what to do.  
  
 _Stage by stage, I tear apart  
If brokenness is a form of art  
I must be a poster child prodigy _

He had cracked several bones in his hands. None were broken but they were badly enough damaged to require bandages. Emily had been the one to drive him to the hospital. Aaron sat quickly in the passenger seat, the reality and enormity of what had happened was finally starting to sink in. It all felt like the most horrible, cruel and brutalest nightmare but this was real. Aaron glanced at Jack was sitting quietly in the back of the car, too young to understand what had happened before he looked at Emily who was carefully looking ahead, a composed mask on her face. One of them had to be strong and Emily didn’t mind that it was her. Emily reached over and gently set her hand on Aaron’s.

“It’s OK,” Emily said quietly. “Let it out.”  
  
 _Thread by thread I come apart  
If brokenness is a work of art  
Surely this must be my masterpiece _

“How’s Jack been coping?” Emily asked as she sat in his apartment. As soon as they had gotten back from the case, she had gone straight to Aaron’s apartment to see him and Jack. it was terrible that they had had to leave straight after the funeral, right when Aaron and Jack needed them the most.

“I think it’s starting to sink in,” Aaron replied quietly as he looked at Emily. All of the team had gone above and beyond since Haley’s death. They had helped with funeral arrangements, phone calls, informing people; all the terrible necessary things that had to be done when someone died to take the weight off of the Hotchner and Brooks families. However Emily had been there every single day. After she drove him and Jack back from the hospital, she stayed with them that night, called around every day to help clear the house or to make them dinner or talk and try and distract them both from the massive hole that had been ripped in their lives. 

There was something that he wanted to say, but much like that night so many months ago, the words failed to come to his mouth.  
  
 _I’m only honest when it rains  
If I time it right, the thunder breaks  
When I open my mouth  
I wanna tell you but I don’t know how _

“How are you feeling?” Aaron asked Emily as they sat on the jet. Emily shrugged her shoulders and winced at the movement.

“Yep, still feel like I was hit by a truck.” Emily quipped as she sat back in her seat on the jet. After everything that happened, she was ready to and would happily sleep for a year.

“Well, I’m glad you’re OK. Get some rest.” Aaron advised and Emily smiled softly as she leaned back in her seat and closed her eyes. Aaron glanced out of the window, watching the light rain fall against the window as Emily dozed off. He had come so close to losing her but still what he wanted to say never came to his mouth. He knew how he felt, he just couldn’t say it.  
  
 _I’m only honest when it rains  
An open book, with a torn out page  
And my inks run out  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how _

Aaron honestly didn’t know what to do. He knew how felt about Emily but he didn’t know how to tell her. How was he supposed to tell Emily how he felt about her. He didn’t know what to do, what to say, how to possibly create a relationship between himself and Emily. Would he ever know, he wasn’t sure. All he knew was that it hurt to watch how easily other agents, such as a certain Mick Rawson, were able to flirt with her and make her smile. To do those things that he couldn’t. He knew a lot of things but this… he had no idea.   
  
_I don’t know how  
No I don’t know how  
I don’t know how  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how _

Emily didn’t know what to do. She had been hiding these feelings for Aaron for the longest time but it never felt right or tactile to admit to him how she felt. Everything had gone to Hell so quickly and with everything that happened, she knew that blurting out her feelings was the worst and tactless thing she could do. So she hid them but maybe it was better that she had. She wouldn’t have known what to say to Aaron, how to act on these feelings. He was different to most guys she had fallen for. He was so shielded and guarded that she would never be able to predict the right moment to let him know how she felt. Maybe the day would come when she would figure it out.

Maybe.  
  
 _I don’t know how  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how  
I wanna love you_

Just as Aaron’s life was coming together nicely; albeit after JJ had been practically forced out of the BAU and they welcomed Ashley Seaver into the fold, it was Emily’s turn to have her life turned upside down. Ian Doyle had escaped from prison; he was baying for her blood and if he had his way, there would be no survivors. With just a few words, her life had fallen apart and she had no idea what to do. The only thing she could do was figure out a way to protect the team, especially Aaron. She would never forgive herself if anything happened to them.  
  
 _Pitch black, pale blue  
These wild oceans shake whats left of me  
And loose just to hear me cry mercy  
The strong wind at my back  
So I’ll lift up  
The only sail that I have  
This tired white thread_

“Are you sure everything’s OK?” Aaron asked Emily. He was worried about her, he thought that things were going good between them and he had been trying to work up the courage to tell her how he felt. The only problem was that Emily seemed to be pulling away from him and the team. He didn’t like it. They had all seen how jumpy and irritable she had become, then there was the whispered phone calls, the long lunch breaks and she clearly wasn’t sleeping. 

Emily looked at Aaron. Saw the honesty and care in his eyes. Jeremy had been the first to die. Sean and his family had been murdered and Doyle was in the States. No everything was not OK. She had never been more scared in her life because she knew Doyle. She knew he would kill the whole team out of spite before he killed her. She wasn’t scared for herself. She was scared for the team, for Aaron and she just wanted all of this to go away.

“Fine. Everything’s fine.” Emily lied; wishing she could believe her lies as easily as everyone else could.  
  
 _I’m only honest when it rains  
If I time it right, the thunder breaks  
When I open my mouth  
I wanna tell you but I don’t know how _

She wanted to reach out. She wanted to break down and cry and scream and tell them the truth. She didn’t want there to be any more lies. But the lies were all that were keeping the team safe. Once they knew about Lauren and Doyle and once they started helping her, she may as well kill them herself. She wanted to tell Aaron everything; show him how alone and scared and broken she felt the way he did with her. She knew it was likely that she was going to die. She and Doyle were always going to end up killing the other. If she was going to die, she wanted to die with Aaron knowing how she felt. Maybe even a last kiss for the condemned woman.

Well if she was going to die, there was no shame in wanting a little bit of romanticism before the inevitable pain. 

But she didn’t. Instead she walked away to keep them safe, keep them alive. That much, she could do.  
  
 _I’m only honest when it rains  
An open book, with a torn out page  
And my inks run out  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how  
Know how _

She didn’t expect to wake up. Much less wake up and be told that her death had already been faked and arrangements had been made to put her into hiding for as long as it would take to find and/or kill Doyle. As she lay in bed, Aaron walked into the room, sat by the edge of the bed and took her hand. Both of them knew that this was the last time that they would see each other for the longest time. Normally that was the cue for latent, hidden feelings to come out in one big emotional wave. However both of them found that yet again; the words refused to come. Neither of them knew what to say and indeed, before they could, it was time for her to go. 

_I’m only honest when it rains  
If I time it right, the thunder breaks  
When I open my mouth  
I wanna tell you but I don’t know how  
Know how _

“I’m having a bad day.” Emily admitted as she looked at Aaron and did her best to blink back tears. Aaron looked at her and reached across the table to gently stroke her wrist. Emily glanced down at his hand and instead of flinching at the touch, actually felt reassured. As they looked at each other, Emily began to explain quietly how she felt, not wanting the rest of the team to worry or pity her. She knew that Aaron never would, that he would accept and understand how she felt. They could tell each other anything; except how they felt about each other.

It was quite sad in a way.  
  
 _I’m only honest when it rains  
An open book, with a torn out page  
And my inks run out  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how_

What was probably the saddest thing about their relationship was that although they knew how they felt, they suspected the other felt the same. There were chances, opportunities even if they didn’t feel right to at least say something, do something. How different would things have been, if one of them had taken the step? Had somehow worked out what to say, what to do, how to make the right words come out and do the right thing, who knew how things would have played out. They had never known what to say and now, anything that could have happened, any chance of a future together existed in just one dance, in dreams and buried deep in the concept of ‘what if?’. 

Simple because, they wanted to love one another. They just didn’t know how.  
  
 _I don’t know how  
I don’t know how  
I don’t know how  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how  
I don’t know how  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how  
I wanna love you but I don’t know how  
I wanna love you_


	16. Saturn - Sleeping At Last

He could remember the exact moment he had fallen in love with Emily Prentiss. It had been at JJ and Will’s 4th of July party, they were waiting for Rossi, Morgan and Will to finish setting up the fireworks and he had found himself sitting on the grass beside Emily. Jack was running around the garden, hyped up on soda and excitement, playing Tag with Garcia, Reid and JJ. Henry was curled up on Emily’s lap fast asleep and Aaron was listening to Emily as she pointed at the different stars and constellations that they could make out through the streetlights and fireworks.

He had been listening to the sound of her voice. He could hear the happiness in her voice as she enthusiastically told the legends of both the stars they could see and those they couldn’t. Some of the legends he knew of, others he wasn’t sure of. It was the excited joy in her voice, the beautiful way she described the infinites of the universe; he didn’t have to look at her face to see the beauty beneath the moonlight, the way her eyes lit up and her smile spread across her face. He didn’t need to see her to love her. He just did.

_You taught me the courage of stars before you left.  
How light carries on endlessly, even after death.  
With shortness of breath, you explained the infinite.  
How rare and beautiful it is to even exist._

This 4th of July, things were different. Their celebrations were muted this year, the loss of Emily four months prior still hung over them. Despite everything else that happened, JJ’s return to the team, it just wasn’t the same without Emily. They didn’t have a party this year, instead they went to the park to watch a firework display. As he sat with Jack and the team, watching the fireworks light up the night sky, he tried to remember everything that Emily had told him one year prior. Not just the myths of the stars but the memories she had of them. Stories of a little girl with her beloved grandpa in the French Alps trying to find starts through the snowfall, of a teenager riding a quad bike into the Qatari desert with her friends to watch the new moon rise on Eid al’Fitr, stories of a woman travelling across America with her family, catching killers and gazing at the stars.

They were stories he knew that he could possibly never hear again, he just wished he could have written them down. And that wherever Emily was in the world, she was somewhere where she could see the stars.  
  
 _I couldn’t help but ask  
For you to say it all again.  
I tried to write it down  
But I could never find a pen.  
I’d give anything to hear  
You say it one more time,  
That the universe was made  
Just to be seen by my eyes._

“I’m having a bad day.”

It wasn’t the first time she had said that to him; this time he knew what he could do to help her feel better. He could tell that she wanted to talk but not about what made today a bad day. Instead Aaron led her outside, it was only around 7pm but the winter had made the sky inky black with stars already starting to emerge. Even with the floodlights, they could still see the stars. He knew that Emily knew what he was doing. He was trying to remind her that good things still existed, that what happened and her terrible day didn’t erase that. He was lucky, whilst she had told Garcia that she knew what the world did to someone who only saw the beauty in it, the stars however were another story. The stars held nothing but beauty, there were no dangers out there and despite not wanting to talk, Emily found herself sharing stories. Stories of wandering the Irish countryside under a blanket of stars, of showing an innocent boy the beauty of the night under a tree at a Tuscan villa, of risking her life wandering the streets of Paris at night to see the full moon reflecting off the surface of the river Seine. She spoke and Aaron listened.  
  
 _I couldn’t help but ask  
For you to say it all again.  
I tried to write it down  
But I could never find a pen.  
I’d give anything to hear  
You say it one more time,  
That the universe was made  
Just to be seen by my eyes._

As they stood under the sky, their breaths misting around them in the chill of the night, Aaron reached out and curled his fingers around Emily’s own. Emily tore her gaze away from the sky and looked at Aaron who stepped closer and hugged her tightly. The hug said everything that she needed to hear and also everything she knew Aaron wanted to stay. They stood hugging for a few moments before they stepped back, still holding hands and continued to gaze up at the stars.  
  
 _With shortness of breath, I’ll explain the infinite  
How rare and beautiful it truly is that we exist._


	17. Earth - Sleeping At Last

She had sworn to herself that she would never tell anyone the truth about her past. Everything had been covered up, blacked out, forgotten. Her records had been changed, she buried the truth and wanted never to dig it up again. Even then, she knew such a thing was naïve. That the past never stayed buried forever. That somehow, someway, someday it would all come back to haunt her. However as the years passed, slowly, stupidly, she began to let her guard down. That was her first mistake.

_I dig ‘til my shovel tells a secret,  
Swear to the earth that I will keep it,  
Brush off the dirt  
And let my change of heart occur._

The moment Garcia told her that she had missed a call from Sean, she knew. Once she left CIA and Interpol, she only spoke to any of her team at least twice. Once to confirm she was working with the FBI and once when Tsia told her of her engagement. They didn’t stay in close contact for their own safety. For Sean to seek her out, actually come to DC from his home in Glasgow meant one thing and one thing only. Doyle was loose. They were all in danger. It didn’t matter what they tried to do, he was loose somewhere around Russia or Europe. It wouldn’t take him long to find her. And when he did, everything would be destroyed.  
  
 _Sold soon after the appraisal,  
The hammer struck the auction table  
Louder than anything I’ve ever heard._

She didn’t sleep that night. She couldn’t sleep. Doyle could be anywhere, he could have people everywhere. She wasn’t safe. She wasn’t going to be safe. As she walked around her apartment, propping fragile objects on her window ledges as subtle alarms, locking and blocking the door, she could hear her phone buzzing with incoming texts from Garcia, Rossi and Morgan. Emily glanced at them, all which were offers to meet them at a bar. She couldn’t do that, it had been risky enough meeting Sean. No. She would have to distance herself from the team. She couldn’t endanger them. This was her mess and her mess to deal with alone. Whatever happened next, whatever Doyle did, she wouldn’t endanger the team. They wouldn’t die as a result of her actions and her choices.  
  
 _Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house.  
But I put it out of my mind  
Long enough to call it courage  
To live without a lifeline.  
I bend the definition  
Of faith to exonerate my blind eye.  
'Til the sirens sound, I’m safe._

He knew something was wrong. It wasn’t because he was a profiler. It wasn’t the fact her changes in behaviour were becoming more obvious by the day. It was the simple fact that he knew that look. He knew the look of being completely terrified and trying to hide it. He knew the look of having your world coming crashing down, the safety of your life gone. He knew that look hidden in her eyes. He had worn that look himself. As the days passed, he could only see the look becoming more permanent in her eyes. With every flash of fear, long lunch and secretive calls, he could tell something was wrong. Aaron tried to reach out to her. On the jet back from their last case, he had asked if she wanted to get something to eat before he picked Jack up. He wanted to talk to her, find out what this problem was, let her know that she was safe. Instead Emily looked at him and attempted to smile. He knew that look too. That smile was the look when you tried to convince you weren’t feeling any of what you were feeling. That everything was OK.

“I’d love to but I’m meeting a friend. Maybe another time.” Emily offered. She knew there wouldn’t be another time. She appreciated Aaron’s concern but Doyle had already killed Jeremy, slaughtered Sean’s whole family. Aaron and Jack had already been the targets of a serial killer. She wasn’t going to risk them again. She was meeting Doyle tonight and if she was lucky, she would end him tonight.  
  
 _Meanwhile, my family’s taking shelter.  
The sparks send the fire down the wire,  
A countdown begins,  
Until the dynamite gives in._

“Tell me, does the lovely Penelope know where you are? Or is she too busy watching movies with Derek to care? Here you are, all alone while Aaron sits at home with his son. And why didn’t Dave and Ashley invite you to their game night? Perhaps they thought you were on the Metro with Doctor Reid? Now that one does have his quirks.”

Emily felt her heart stop the second he said Garcia’s name. They both knew what he was really saying. You destroyed my family, I’m going to destroy yours. I know where they are and I will get to them before you will. In that spilt second, that skipped heartbeat, Emily knew how this was going to end. One of them was going to die and if it was her, then she was going to drag him down to hell with her. There was no other way this was going to end. And she knew that. She had always known that it would end this way. It took all her courage to keep looking him in the eye and issue a promise of her own.

“Come near my team and I will end you.”  
  
 _The echo, as wide as the equator,  
Travels through a world of built up anger-  
Too late to pull itself together now._

It took less time than she expected for everything to really fall apart. Once the first two families were killed, she knew time had ran out. She also realised that she had been played. That there was never any deal to keep the team out of it. That the plan was always to draw them in, give him a reason to slaughter each and every one of them. They weren’t just her family, they were trying to capture Doyle, drag him back to the hellhole he escaped from. It was time to accept the reality before her. She was going to die. Tsia’s death was the final nail in the coffin. The team had already pieced together the truth about JTF-12, they knew about Lauren. They just didn’t and couldn’t know about the targets that had been painted on their backs. Painted by her.

There was nothing else she could do. It was time to fight. Time to end things once and for all. The team would learn the truth and they would hate her for it. But if she died, they would at least be safe. By tomorrow it would all be over. One way or the other, it would be over.  
  
 _Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house.  
But I put it out of my mind  
Long enough to call it courage  
To live without a lifeline.  
I bend the definition  
Of faith to exonerate my blind eye.  
'Til the sirens sound, I’m safe._

When he saw her phone in the drawer, he knew. Emily hadn’t fled, she had gone to fight. To face Doyle one on one. The only problem was that they had no idea where she was going, how far she had gotten and how many she was up against. There wasn’t much time and with most of her JTF-12 team dead, they needed something. He didn’t expect that something to be Clyde Easter attempting to get through Dulles International with $50 grand to be that something. After interrogating/butting heads with him, they finally got a lead. The Black Shamrock pub in Boston. By the time they got to Boston, met with the PD, they learnt that not only had there been a shoot-out between Emily and Doyle’s men but he had captured her.

Then things just went from horrible to absolutely unbearable. Their reluctant lead Jack Fahey got assassinated as he spoke to Rossi and Ashley, they discovered that not only did Doyle have a child but Emily faked his death, staging and photographing her supposedly shooting Declan Doyle in a warehouse. It was the realisation that while they knew Declan was alive, Doyle didn’t that confirmed the location to be where Doyle had to be holding Emily hostage. They had raced to the warehouse and when they arrived, Doyle was fleeing, Emily was bleeding out on the floor, a wooden stake impaled into her abdomen. All he could do was watch her be taken away, wait in the waiting room and plan for what would need to happen next.

At best, Emily would have to go into hiding until Doyle was captured. At worst…  
 _  
There was an earthquake.  
There was an avalanche of change.  
We were so afraid,  
We cried ourselves a hurricane.  
There were floods,  
And tidal waves over us,  
We folded our hands and prayed.  
Like a domino,  
These wildfires grow and grow  
Until a brand new world takes shape._

They only saw one another once whilst she was in hospital. With her identity on a need-to-know basis, there was no way he could visit her more than once. Aaron sat by her bedside, held her hand and explained the plan to her. Once she was able to leave hospital, she was to go into hiding. JJ was arranging her travel to somewhere unknown with enough security and money to keep her safe. As far as the team and the rest of the world knew, she was dead. Emily listened and they both decided not to mention the tears slipping down her cheeks as she clutched his hand like a lifeline.

“You don’t have to do all of this.” Emily whispered. “I’m not worth all of this effort.”

“Of course we do and of course you are.” Aaron replied, looking her right in the eyes. “What matters is capturing Doyle and keeping you alive.”

“I suppose.” Emily replied quietly, staring down at the duvet. Aaron kept a tight hold on her hand, the words he needed to say were on the tip of his tongue but he wasn’t able to say them. They both knew what he wanted to say but also knew that neither of them could. Not now. Not yet.  
  
 _Fault lines tremble underneath my glass house.  
But I put it out of my mind  
Long enough to call it courage  
To live without a lifeline.  
I bend the definition  
Of faith to exonerate my blind eye.  
'Til the sirens sound, I’m safe._

Seven months. Seven months of hiding, of looking over her shoulder, of fear and deafening silence, of nightmares and ghosts before finally, _finally_ the call she was waiting for. The call that ended the silence, the call that would allow her to come back, to come home. She got the call early in the morning, by the afternoon she was on a flight. The eight-hour flight coupled with the six hour time difference meant it was early evening DC time by the time she reached the BAU. As she stepped into the familiar building, oblivious to the gasps and stares of other agents that followed her up to the sixth floor. It was when she pushed open the glass doors, walked towards the conference room where she could hear Morgan’s voice, stood in the doorway, saw the team. Saw Aaron, that for the first time in over eight months; she felt safe at least.  
  
 _'Til the sirens sound, I’m safe.  
'Til the sirens sound, I’m safe._


	18. Venus - Sleeping at Last

It had been Dave’s fault. He had been suggesting/harassing him to consider dating again. That six months was more than enough time to begin looking again. That Haley would understand, want him to be happy and in true David Rossi fashion, resorting to the low blow of reminding Aaron of Haley’s last words; to be happy and teach Jack about love and what better way to do that than by dating and falling in love himself?! At least that was the bullshit Rossi was spreading but Aaron knew that that was easier said than done.

For a start, how would he be able to date any woman, spend time with her when the BAU were called away at a moments’ notice? He barely saw enough of Jack and knew how hard he found it to balance work and personal times. Then there was Jack, he was finally finding some stability in his young life and coming to terms with his mother’s death, could Aaron really risk disrupting that by bringing a new woman into his life? A new woman who could potentially be a stepmother for him? How would Jack feel about that? How would he feel about his dad dating? If Jack wasn’t OK then Aaron wasn’t sure he could put himself before his son. Then there was Aaron himself. Who would want someone as scarred and broken as him?

“Hey, everything OK?” Emily asked as she walked over to him, causing Aaron to jump slightly before turning to look at her.  
  
 _The night sky once ruled my imagination.  
Now I turn the dials with careful calculation.  
After a while, I thought I’d never find you.  
I convinced myself that I would never find you,  
When suddenly I saw you._

“Just thinking,” Aaron replied truthfully. Because he was thinking. About Emily. It was like he was seeing her, really seeing her for the first time. They had worked together for years, been friends for almost as long, over the past year become best friends. They worked together in a way that was different to how they worked with the rest of the team, could talk to one another about everything and anything. Emily had been the one to find him in hospital that morning, who drove him home after his horrible first case back, who stopped him completely breaking down after interviewing Karl Arnold in prison, who every day she could after Haley died, called around his apartment with takeout or something for Jack and tried to make them feel like their world hadn’t been torn apart.

He also had to admit, he had always known Emily was attractive but now he was seeing her full beauty. The shine of her hair under the light, the way her eyes could display a million different emotions at once, the quiet strength she carried in her posture, the way her smile lit up her whole face and made everyone smile with her. The few scars she also had from their job that just showed how strong and brave and beautiful she was. How had he never seen any of this before? How had he never seen Emily before?  
  
 _At first I thought you were a constellation.  
I made a map of your stars, then I had a revelation:  
You’re as beautiful as endless,  
You’re the universe I’m helpless in.  
An astronomer at my best  
When I throw away the measurements._

“Sounds heavy, anything you want to talk about?” Emily offered, it had to be something important. He had been standing by the coffee machine, completely zoned out for about five minutes before she walked over to him.

“It’s OK, I just realised something important, that I probably should have a long time ago.” Aaron replied, trying to act as though he didn’t want to just pull Emily into his arms and kiss her. Yeah right. She’d kick his ass if she even knew what he was thinking. Instead he watched as a playful smile crossed Emily’s face and he knew she was about to tease him about it. Not that he minded, he liked that she felt comfortable enough to do that.

“That there are other things you can wear apart from suits?” Emily quipped, her smiling widening as Aaron couldn’t help but laugh at her comment. “Oh my god, you can laugh?!”

“Ha, ha,” Aaron retorted sarcastically as Emily smiled at him. She had noticed his avoidance to tell her what he was thinking about. That didn’t mean she would drop it. Yet.

“Well, whatever it is, you know you can talk to me.” Emily said as she returned to her desk and Aaron walked back up to his office.  
  
 _Like a telescope,  
I will pull you so close  
‘til no space lies in between.  
And suddenly I see you.  
Suddenly I see you._

Yes, he knew he could talk to Emily. They had gotten a lot closer over the past few years, sharing a level of trust and confidence in one another that they didn’t really have with the others. Sometimes he and JJ could talk or Emily could speak to Morgan but it always came back to the two of them. They were just on another level. They had seen one another at their lowest points, saw their tears, listened to their angry outbursts, consoled the worst fears, answered anxious 3am calls to reassure the other that the nightmare wasn’t real, that they were safe. Emily was probably the person he was most honest with about how he felt about things, really felt. This however, he wasn’t sure he could talk to her about. She tended to understand his thought process, how he felt about things and dealt with things. Yet Aaron knew, she would never understand how he felt about her now.  
  
 _I was a billion little pieces  
'til you pulled me into focus.  
Astronomy in reverse,  
It was me who was discovered._

Maybe it was better that she didn’t know, Aaron reflected. Not just because he highly doubted that she returned his feelings but also because of the implications of having a relationship. Aside from the dozens of fraternization rules, there was also the issue of what happened when one of them was in danger. He had wanted to storm an armed compound to save Emily and that was long before he had even contemplated her as anything more than a co-worker. What limits would he go to if they were together and she was in danger? Besides, what happened if they dated and things didn’t work out? Would they really be able to work together like nothing had happened? How would the team be able to work together if sides were taken over the reason for the break up? How would it affect Jack to have Emily suddenly be a huge presence in his life, only to leave it again? Aaron also knew that Emily, if by some miracle she felt the same, would probably have considered these things too. Emily was always a rational person. She had confided in him one night about her wayward youth and how she always had a rational approach to everything. It was just safer that way.

But still…  
  
 _I thought I’d never find you,  
When suddenly I saw you._

As he glanced out of the window, he spotted Emily joking around with Morgan and Reid and for a moment, he wondered what it would be like to make her laugh like that; to let her feel so happy and carefree albeit for a moment. He wondered what it would feel like to feel her smile against his lips, to hold her tight, let everything and everyone in the world disappear save for the two of them. It was a nice fantasy but for now, all it would be would be a fantasy. Something that could and would never happen. Emily would never see him as anything more than a friend but in a way, he was happy with that. It meant she wouldn’t be ruined the way he ruined everyone else he loved. Because she didn’t love him.  
  
 _Like a telescope,  
I will pull you so close,  
'til no space lies in between._

But still, that treacherous voice in the back of his head whispered, what if she did feel the same?  
  
 _Then suddenly I see you._


	19. Mercury - Sleeping at Last

She hadn’t noticed where she had been walking to, had ignored the sound of the snow crunching under her feet, the occasional slip on a hidden patch of ice, paid no heed to the fresh flakes falling around her or the slow rumble of trucks spraying grit onto the roads. She had just needed to get away, needed to walk somewhere, anywhere. She just wanted to be alone but she also needed to see someone, see Matthew, someone who truly knew her. Someone who really cared. The feeling only intensified as she stood outside the dark, imposing church, photograph in hand as a solitary drop of blood fell from her nose onto the photograph of three innocent, naïve teenagers, unaware of how cold and cruel this world would be.  
  
 _Rows of houses  
Sound asleep  
Only street lights  
Notice me  
I am desperate  
If nothing else  
In a holding pattern  
To find myself_

She wasn’t sure how long she stood in the snow, staring up at the church. Her hands were almost numb with cold but she still clutched onto the photograph, too scared to lose it. One of the few traces of Matthew that she had left. So much had happened over the past few days, a lot of horrible memories and feelings had been stirred. There were times when she didn’t feel like herself at all. She felt like a terrified fifteen year old girl whose world had come crashing down around her but nobody was able to put the pieces back or help her up again. A feeling she hoped that she would never feel again. She just needed someone, anyone to make that feeling go away.  
  
 _I talk in circles  
I talk in circles  
I watch for signals  
For a clue  
How to feel different  
How to feel new  
Like science fiction  
Bending truth_

Her phone was ringing and vibrating in her pocket, however she couldn’t make her hand move to actually get it and answer any of the calls. That had always been a problem of hers. No matter how bad things got, how upset she was, whenever she needed, really needed to reach out to someone; she never did. Part of her felt like she could handle it alone, even when she didn’t have to. Another part felt like she was just overreacting. Another part just felt like she never deserved it. Never deserved anyone’s help or comfort. Especially whenever she deserved it and needed it more than anything.

“Emily?”  
  
 _No one can unring this bell  
Unsound this alarm, unbreak my heart new  
God knows, I am dissonance  
Waiting to be swiftly pulled into tune_

He had wanted to follow her straight away but there was so much that had to be done. Thankfully the bureau, police and team had rapidly responded to their call. Especially because of the steps he had taken to contact the Vatican; a huge risk on his part but a necessary one. Once they had everything under control, Rossi all but shoved him down the pavement to try and find Emily. It was late, the streets were mostly deserted and despite the fresh snowfall, he had been able to track her footprints on the ground, leading him to the church where she was still standing.

She had turned when he called her name and he could see the look on her face. The anger and hurt that he had been the one to find her. He regretted that, he regretted not being there for her in the first place but he had been there ever since. And he was here now.

“I know I’m the last person you want to see right now, I just wanted to apologise and I’m here if you want to talk.” Aaron said as Emily looked at him.  
  
 _I’ll go anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want me  
I’ll go anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want me  
I’ll go anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want me  
I’ll go anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want me_

She wanted to be angry. That was her initial emotive response to his words. He was here _now._ Not when she needed him to be. That had hurt, not as much as losing Matthew obviously but it still hurt. It had hurt to see that flicker of distrust that she thought had gone after Milwaukee. It hurt to see him almost dismiss her pain as opposed to Colorado when he wanted to rush the compound to stop her pain. It hurt because her feelings towards him had been getting stronger but it was clear that he had none for her at all. He had hurt her.

At the same time, he was still here and being genuinely apologetic. She knew Aaron, knew he only apologised when he was truly in the wrong. As much as she wanted to, maybe she wouldn’t demand that he leave her alone. Not just yet.

“Here,” Aaron said as he handed her a tissue and felt the chill in her hands. “You’re as cold as ice.”

“I guess I just lost track of time.” Emily muttered stiffly as she wiped her face, the dried blood taking a moment to cling to the tissue. Aaron looked at her and removed his gloves before offering them to her. “I don’t need those.”

“Yes you do.” Aaron replied, pressing the gloves into her hands. He watched as Emily carefully moved the photograph from one hand to the other as she slipped the gloves on before he took her arm. “Come with me.”  
 **  
** _I know the further I go_ _  
The harder I try, only keeps my eyes closed  
And somehow I’ve fallen in love  
With this middle ground at the cost of my soul  
Yet I know, if I stepped aside  
Released the controls, you would open my eyes  
That somehow, all of this mess  
Is just my attempt to know the worth of my life…_

“Tell me about Matthew.” Aaron prompted as they sat in a diner, cups of coffee in front of them as they waited for their order. Neither of them were hungry but had barely eaten today. Emily let the heat of the mug seep into her fingers as she thought about what to say. How could she deserve the one person who had been there when nobody else was, who risked so much for her, who she wished she had spent more time with, talked to more, helped him the same way he had helped her? There was so much she could say but none of the words would come out.

“We met when we were fifteen and living in Rome.” Emily began. It was a small step and there was little much she could say, even as their food arrived and they ate. She didn’t want to relive the bad memories more than she already had. Instead she told Aaron about the good times, about three teenagers who were happy, carefree and having as much fun as they could. Three teenagers who didn’t see the darkness in the world and it what it would do to them for not seeing it. Emily spoke and Aaron listened. He understood that he wasn’t to interrupt. That the talking was helping her come to terms not just with Matthew’s death but that cherishing the good memories was more important than thinking about the bad. As difficult as that was.  
  
 _Made of precious metals  
Precious metals  
Precious metals inside  
Made of precious metals  
Precious metals  
Precious metals inside  
Made of precious metals  
Precious metals  
Precious metals_

“You didn’t have to walk me up.” Emily said as they reached her door. It was only a few steps away from the pavement but Aaron had insisted on doing so. Just as he had insisted on paying for their food. On her leaving the church and coming with him. The little things you do when someone is grieving. Making sure they look after themselves, that they have at least eaten and tried to talk about how they felt. Let them know the world hadn’t ended.

“I know,” Aaron replied as they stood under the doorway. The snow had stopped and the world around them almost looked white and clean. Almost. “Take a few days, look after yourself.”

“OK,” Emily said quietly before she felt something warm and realised that Aaron had hugged her tightly. Emily hugged him back, taking a moment to feel the warmth of his body, the smooth material of his coat, the lingering scent of his aftershave. After a moment, Aaron stepped back and looked at her.

“If you want to talk, you know you can talk to me.” Aaron said and Emily nodded. She probably wouldn’t but it was still nice to know the offer was there.

“Thanks.” Emily replied as she reached in her pocket for her keys and let herself into the apartment. Aaron stood on the step, waiting until she was inside before he turned and walked down the street again. He knew he should have handed things better with Emily but he hoped that he had started to make things up to her. he wanted to do more, he wanted to hold her tighter, never let her go, let her know that she wasn’t alone, that he was there and always would be there for her. He wanted to do so much more, Emily deserved so much more. So much more than him.

Maybe some day he would do all that. Maybe some day he would tell her how he felt about her. But not yet. Not today.  
  
 _I’ll go anywhere you want_  
 _Anywhere you want  
Anywhere you want me  
I’ll go anywhere you want   
Anywhere you want me_


	20. Take Me Home - Jess Glynne

As she drove him home from the hospital, she wanted to say something but the words wouldn’t come. What could she say? Reassurances that things would be OK were just empty words, everything else was just tactless. Aaron didn’t say a word either, instead he stared blankly out of the window unable to think about anything other than his attack, what it caused him to lose and what would undoubtedly happen next. He didn’t want to talk about it, didn’t think he could talk about it without completely breaking down. Even though he was already broken almost completely beyond repair.

_Wrapped up, so consumed by  
All this hurt  
If you ask me, don’t  
Know where to start_

He knew coming back a month early was a bad idea but he couldn’t sit at home anymore. He had made the choice to punish himself with his failures and had barely seen any of the team. Except for Emily. She had made a point of inviting herself around every evening that she could and although he could never admit it, he appreciated that more than words could say. She was single-handedly tugging him out of the darkness and really, the only one who wasn’t even the slightest bit surprised when he came back to the BAU. How could she be, when she had been the one to suggest it in the first place?  
  
Anger, love, confusion  
Roads that lead nowhere  
I know that somewhere better  
Cause you always take me there

“He’s got Tommy, he’s not alone.” Emily said, the real meaning of her words hung heavily in the air between them. As she rested her hand on the door handle, she heard Aaron speak. It was only one word but it was enough.

“Stay.” Aaron whispered, barely audible but she heard it. Emily walked across the room and put her arms around him, hugging him tightly. That was when he felt something in him break. He had never been good with expressing emotion but he couldn’t keep the walls up anymore. He couldn’t act like he was handling things when really everything was falling apart. He just didn’t know what to do and as he broke down, Emily held onto him as tightly as she could. She wasn’t sure how but they were going to make it. Somehow.  
  
 _Came to you with a broken faith  
Gave me more than a hand to hold  
Caught before I hit the ground  
Tell me I’m safe, you’ve got me now_

“I’m driving.” Emily said as she snatched the keys from his hand and got into the SUV. Aaron was in no state to drive and she quite liked the idea of surviving the drive back to the BAU. Aaron didn’t argue but instead got into the car and punched the dashboard so hard that Emily expected the airbag to come out. “Aaron!”

“He’s going to kill them.” Aaron retorted and Emily looked at him. She wanted to reassure him that things would be OK, that they would work it out somehow but honestly, she didn’t know if they could. It would take a miracle for that to happen and they seemed to be running low on miracles these days.

“Aaron-” Emily began before she saw the tears slip down his face, the sole sign of just how absolutely terrified he was and instead she squeezed his hand tightly, stroking the back of his hand with her thumb before she started the SUV. Neither of them knew what would happen next but they both knew, it would be something unthinkable.  
  
 _Would you take the wheel  
If I lose control?  
If I’m lying here  
Will you take me home?_

“It’s time to go.” Emily said quietly as she stood in the hospital hallway, Jack’s head resting on her shoulder. He still didn’t fully understand what had happened and had tired himself out asking where his mommy was and what had happened to his daddy for him to have to go to the hospital again. They were questions Emily couldn’t answer. Instead she hugged him and tried not to think about another innocent, sweet four year old boy who had seen too much horror in the world. 

“I need to-” Aaron began and Emily shook her head as she stepped into the room.

“Morgan and JJ already spoke to Jess and Haley’s father, Reid’s looking after Garcia and Rossi’s dealing with Strauss. The two of you are going back to your place.” Emily replied and Aaron appreciated her not using the word ‘home’. What had been their home had been destroyed today, along with almost his whole life. Aaron looked up at Emily, saw the concern and sadness in her eyes and the way Jack was sleepily latched onto her before he stood. The pains and aches in his back and legs from the fight, as well as the several cracked bones in his hands. He wanted to reach out and hold her but her arms were full with Jack and somehow, it just didn’t feel right. Wanting to be with Emily when Haley’s body wasn’t even cold yet. But she was willing to be there for them and right now, that was enough.  
  
 _Could you take care  
Of a broken soul?  
Will you hold me now?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?_

As soon as Strauss left, he called Emily and told her what he had been offered. Surprisingly, listening to her demand to know why Strauss felt that putting this on him literally the day after they buried Haley did help him feel better but he also got some sound advice from her. No matter what his decision was, the BAU was family and if he needed their help for anything, they would be there for him. He still didn’t know what to do, needed to think long and hard and weigh up every single option, even though he had already made his decision. He just hoped it was the right one.   
  
_Hold the gun to my head  
Count 1, 2, 3  
If it helps me walk away then it’s  
What I need_

As the months passed, things had started to get better. Some of the grief and pain was lifted from his shoulders, Jack was smiling again, the team were stronger than ever but he still had those moments. The moments when fear and regret and terrible scenarios all joined together and put his rationale in a headlock. It was funny but Emily always seemed to be aware of when those moments happened. After her accident, when they had that horrible case with the Prince of Darkness in LA, when JJ was forced out of the team (they didn’t bother mincing words about that) and every time, Emily had been able to reassure him and comfort him. Now as they flew back from Florida, he had that feeling again. That something horrible was going to happen. He needed to talk to Emily about it but Emily seemed to be preoccupied with something herself. He hoped nothing was wrong with her. He couldn’t bear it if something was wrong.  
  
 _Every minute gets easier  
The more you talk to me  
You rationalize my darkest thoughts  
Yeah you, set them free_

She was used to danger. Working at the BAU, it was a job requirement. She knew danger, she was also no stranger to fear but this was fear unlike any she had felt before. This was pure terror. She didn’t know how she managed to walk out of the bar that night she met Sean without screaming. She wanted to reach out, to talk to Aaron but she knew she couldn’t. He had already experienced enough danger and heartbreak. She couldn’t risk him or the team. But part of her just wanted that comfort, wanted Aaron to lie to her and tell her that everything would be OK when it wouldn’t. And it never would again.   
  
_Came to you with a broken faith  
Gave me more than a hand to hold  
Caught before I hit the ground  
Tell me I’m safe, you’ve got me now_

He could tell something was wrong. He just knew Emily that way. He also knew that she was more of a private person than he was and that gaining any sort of information about what was bothering her was like taking blood from a stone. It didn’t mean that he couldn’t help her, a gentle brush of her hand, a mug of coffee waiting on her desk; little gestures to show her that whatever it was that was troubling her, she didn’t have to face alone. He even offered to drive her when she said her car was in the shop but instead Emily chose to use public transport instead. Emily did want to accept his help but she didn’t know who was watching, who was listening. It was terrible but it was safer this way.  
  
 _Would you take the wheel  
If I lose control?  
If I’m lying here  
Will you take me home?_

As she tried to walk calmly away from the plaza, from his knowing, smug smirk, Emily wanted to fall to her knees and sob or scream until her lungs burned with the pain. She wanted to run and run and run and never look back. She wanted… she wanted Aaron. She wanted to tell him everything, about Doyle and Lauren and the danger all of them were in but she couldn’t. If she did that, he would die and she could never forgive herself if Aaron died because of her. This was because of her actions and she needed to face the consequences like an adult. She also wanted to be held and comforted and told everything would be OK like a child. Only that wasn’t going to happen. She was going to die but she was going to die saving the people she loved. And that was enough. Sort of.  
 _  
Could you take care  
Of a broken soul?  
Oh, will you hold me now?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?_

As soon as they realised Emily was gone, he knew that she wasn’t going to come back alive. He also knew that he couldn’t lose Emily. He already lost one person he loved who he couldn’t save, he wasn’t doing that again. And he could finally admit it to himself. He loved Emily Prentiss. He was in love with her and when she was safe, he was going to tell her. First of all they had to find her and if Emily didn’t want to be found then it was going to be more difficult than they thought. In the privacy of his office, Aaron looked at the photo on his desk and picked it up. He wasn’t much of a praying man and had long questioned his belief in God. But he wasn’t talking to God now.

“Keep her safe.” Aaron whispered to the photo of Haley. He couldn’t lose Emily, he couldn’t make the same mistake again. He couldn’t.  
  
 _You say space will make it better  
And time will make it heal  
I won’t be lost forever  
And soon I wouldn’t feel  
Like I’m haunted, oh falling_

He was by her bedside when she woke, groggy and confused and scared but also alive. After that, everything moved quickly. She was moved to another hospital, put into protective custody then she and JJ who had somehow commandeered an Interpol jet were off to some random location where she could try and convince herself that she would be safe. As she lay on the longs eat, pretending to be asleep, Emily ran her last conversation with Aaron in her mind. Remembering his reassurances that it wouldn’t be for forever, that they would find Doyle and bring her home. She remembered the warmth of his chest as they hugged, the gentle but caring way he held onto her, mindful of her wounds. Maybe she would be safe wherever she was and maybe she would come home one day. Maybe.  
  
 _You say space will make it better  
And time will make it heal  
I won’t be lost forever  
And soon I wouldn’t feel  
Like I’m haunted, oh falling_

“They hate me.” Emily said bluntly one day. They didn’t say it but she seen it. She seen the anger that still lurked in Reid’s eyes. The way Morgan clenched his fists if anyone tried to talk about her seven month ‘absence’. The way Garcia still looked at her like she was going to disappear at any moment. Rossi hadn’t been surprised at all to have her back and JJ was supportive but she couldn’t be honest with them. She couldn’t tell them about her nightmares or how scared and alone she had been in Paris or how much she had missed them or how she really wasn’t dealing with things as well as she made it seem. Only Aaron seemed to be willing to listen to her.

“They don’t hate you, they just need a little more time.” Aaron reassured but he understood what Emily meant. However the team would sort themselves out. They were family after all. They needed to pull together and support Emily and they all knew it. Things would work out, they just needed more time. Things would work out in the end.  
 _  
You say space will make it better  
And time will make it heal  
I won’t be lost forever  
And soon I wouldn’t feel  
Like I’m haunted, oh falling_

It was late when he got the call but when he seen the caller ID, he didn’t hesitate to answer. She was on the other side of the Atlantic ocean and it was the early hours of the morning over in London but she was calling him and he knew what that meant before she even managed to choke the words out. Today was a bad day. He didn’t think twice about his tiredness as he lay in bed and listened to Emily explain what was wrong, wishing with all his heart that he was there and able to help her. However as he and Emily talked for ages until she felt better and able to get a little bit of sleep, he didn’t mind being on the other end of the phone when she needed him to be. 

It was what you did when you loved someone.  
  
 _Would you take the wheel  
If I lose control?  
If I’m lying here  
Will you take me home?  
Could you take care  
Of a broken soul?  
Oh, will you hold me now?_

She felt a little bit nervous as she stood in the elevator; she was used to doing things on a whim but not something like this. She just hoped that he would be happy to see her. She had missed him and although she couldn’t stay long, she wanted to be home long enough to see him, hug him and hold him. That would be more than enough for her. The others knew she was coming back but agreed to keep the secret and as she stepped out of the elevator, she felt the butterflies in her stomach start to go haywire as she walked towards the familiar glass doors. 

He had his back to her and although Reid and JJ beamed at the sight of her, they also quickly put their fingers to their lips so that nobody would say anything as she crept up behind him, a smile on her face as he continued making coffee, completely oblivious to her presence. 

“Hey make me one too, will you?” Emily asked casually, grinning as Aaron jumped and turned to face her, his mouth falling open with shock before she found herself in his arms being hugged as tightly as he could. Emily hugged him back and laughed at his reaction. This felt good, standing here in his arms. This felt right.

It felt like home. And it was perfect.

_Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Home  
Oh, will you take me home?  
Oh, will you take me home?_


	21. I'll Be Waiting - Adele

She knew that she was going to die. It was strange that she wasn’t afraid to die, people died every day after all. And she always knew it would end this way. It would be easier like this, no explanations, no goodbyes, no tears. In a way, by spending time with the team on a one to one basis, mentoring Ashley, reassuring Reid about his headaches, talking to Garcia; she had made her goodbyes. This would be no different.

But then she saw Aaron. Really saw him. He was watching her, that same look of concern that he only had for her. She knew she shouldn’t have done it, but she walked over and hugged him tightly. As tightly as she could. For she knew that she never would again. She just hoped he would understand.

_Hold me closer one more time,  
Say that you love me in your last goodbye,  
Please forgive me for my sins,  
Yes, I swam dirty waters,  
But you pushed me in,  
I’ve seen your face under every sky,  
Over every border and on every line,  
You know my heart more than I do,  
We were the greatest, me and you,_

He knew something was seriously wrong with Emily. The phone calls and long lunches, the obvious change in her behaviour and the fact she wasn’t sleeping. She was scared. It was like they were running headfirst into danger but only Emily knew about it. When she hugged him, he knew what she was doing. Saying goodbye. Making a silent lament. Had they not been so stubborn… Had they only admitted the truth… Had they only had more time…

Whatever it was, whatever danger she was in, she wouldn’t go through it alone. He wasn’t giving up on her and he would tear Heaven and Earth apart if it meant finding Emily and keeping her safe. They still had time, time to be happy, time to take a chance. He hoped…  
 _  
But we had time against us,  
Miles between us,  
The heavens cried,  
I know I left you speechless,  
But now the sky has cleared and it’s blue,  
And I see my future in you,_

He hated this, this sick, twisted feeling of fear that burned deep in his stomach. He hated waiting, he hated the long drawn out pain of not knowing. Not knowing if Emily was alive or dead. She had to be alive. He had rarely seen worse non-fatal injuries than hers but she had to live. She couldn’t just die! Emily couldn’t die! 

As Aaron sat in the waiting room, silent safe for the breathing of the team, an occasional pacing around the small space and a whispered, desperate prayer, he shut his eyes and did what everyone else did when a loved ones life hung in the balance. He prayed, he pleaded, he bargained, he vowed to change. If Emily lived then he would do it right, he would man up and admit his feelings and treat her right, he would protect her from Doyle and he would love her. He would always love her.

She just had to live.  
  
 _I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,  
I’ll put my hands up,  
I’ll do everything different,  
I’ll be better to you,  
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,  
I’ll put my hands up,  
I’ll be somebody different,  
I’ll be better to you,_

She didn’t want to go. She knew she had to go, she just didn’t want to leave, didn’t want to leave him. As pathetic as it sounded, she felt safe with him. She wanted them to stay together but she also knew it was too dangerous. She was smarter than she was before. Knew how to play the game and how to play it better. The day would come and they would get their chance. Maybe. Hopefully.

But she didn’t like relying on hope. Never had, never would. Even as Aaron hugged her, she knew this time would be no different.   
  
_Let me stay here for just one more night,  
Build your world around me,  
And pull me to the light,  
So I can tell you that I was wrong,  
I was a child then, but now I’m willing to learn,_

Seven months. Seven months of ‘pretending’ to grieve, seven months of waiting for her to return. Seven months of cruel nightmares and even crueler dreams of her return but now she was here. It was when they were alone in the BAU, after everyone had gone home that she allowed herself to break and he held her in her arms and let her get the emotions out about everything that had happened, both in the last twenty four hours and the past seven months. He kept his arms around her and his chin rested on her head as Emily held onto him and allowed herself one last moment of weakness. Whatever happened next, they were in this together.  
  
 _But we had time against us,  
Miles between us,  
The heavens cried,  
I know I left you speechless,  
But now the sky has cleared and it’s blue,  
And I see my future in you,_

“I’m having a bad day.”

Sometimes she was surprised that he was still standing by her, listening to her whine and complain about how things were different. She had come back from the dead, of course things wouldn’t be the same. But when she talked to Aaron, really opened up; she did feel better. Maybe if things worked out, maybe they would take that chance. Maybe they would work something out; they had always known there was something between them. They just never took the chance or different things got in the way. This time around, it could be different. If they wanted to take the chance then they could. Nobody could stop them. Not anymore.  
  
 _I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,  
I’ll put my hands up,  
I’ll do everything different,  
I’ll be better to you,  
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,  
I’ll put my hands up,  
I’ll be somebody different,  
I’ll be better to you,_

“You’re going to London.” 

It wasn’t a question, it wasn’t an accusation. It was just a statement. He understood why of course, she needed the change, the fresh start and London could give her that. It wasn’t anything any of them had said and done, it was ultimately in Emily’s best interests to go to London and he would never hold it against her. He also understood that the wedding was her proper goodbye to the team, the type she couldn’t have had before. It wouldn’t be like Paris, they would keep in contact, maybe use it as an excuse for a vacation, it would work itself out. Somehow. 

For now however, they were content to just hold one another and dance.  
  
 _Time against us,  
Miles between us,  
Heavens cried,  
I know I left you speechless,  
Time against us,  
Miles between us,  
Heavens cried,  
I know I left you speechless,  
I know I left you speechless,  
I’ll be waiting,_

“I don’t know about you guys but I’m exhausted.” Blake commented as they stumbled into the BAU, it was past midnight, they had just come back from a case and all of them just wanted to go home and sleep for a week.

“Tell me about it,” Aaron said as he looked up towards his office and frowned. The lights were off but he could have sworn something that just moved. Instinctively his hand went towards his gun as he walked up to his office, ignoring the teams’ curious looks and questions. Aaron pushed open the door and could make out a shape by the desk. Aaron’s hand closed around his gun before falling slack at the sound of the voice from across the room.

“I really hope you’re not going to shoot me because that would really suck.” 

Aaron quickly switched on the light and as his eyes adjusted to the light, he saw Emily sitting at his desk, feet up on the table and her arms stretched lazily behind her head as she smiled at the dumbstruck Aaron Hotchner. This was why she came back, for the surprises, to see that bright grin of amazement cross his face as her own smile widened.

“Hey stranger.”  
  
 _I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,  
I’ll put my hands up,  
I’ll do everything different,  
I’ll be better to you,  
I’ll be waiting for you when you’re ready to love me again,  
I’ll put my hands up,  
I’ll be somebody different,  
I’ll be better to you._


	22. Bad Day - Daniel Powter

He knew that she wasn’t dealing with things as well as she claimed she was. He knew that she was struggling, not sleeping, that her attempts to fix her life weren’t working. He also knew that despite her best efforts, the team were getting worried about her. None of them knew how to handle it, Emily was overcompensating that much, trying to convince them that things were OK. It seemed to have started to work on the others but not on him. Not just because he had always been able to see past the mask she wore; the mask almost identical to the one he wore.

But also because he could hear her crying in the room next to him.

_Where is the moment we needed the most  
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost  
They tell me your blue skies fade to grey  
They tell me your passion’s gone away  
And I don’t need no carryin’ on_

He couldn’t just sit there and listen to her cry. Emily might have promised to agree to talk to him on her bad days but it wasn’t an easy promise to keep. He knew that, he understood that. He also knew that her keeping all of this to herself was not good for her. He had to do more than offer to listen on her bad days. This was a bad day and he was going to help her. Aaron got off his bed and walked towards the door before he could stop himself.  
  
 _You stand in the line just to hit a new low  
You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go  
You tell me your life’s been way off line  
You’re falling to pieces every time  
And I don’t need no carryin’ on_

He had to wait a few moments for Emily to answer. She was wrapped up in a hoodie, not bothering to hide her face or the tears that slipped down her cheeks. She looked so fragile, so broken and as they looked at one another, Aaron broke the silence as Emily reached up and dragged her sleeve across her face.

“What do you need?” Aaron asked quietly as he stepped into the room and shut the door behind them.

“I just need you to hold me.” Emily replied quietly, so quietly that he almost didn’t hear it. Almost.  
  
 _‘Cause you had a bad day  
You’re taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
You say you don’t know  
You tell me don’t lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day  
The camera don’t lie  
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind  
You had a bad day  
You had a bad day_  
  
Aaron gently put his arms around Emily who buried her face in his shoulder. He could feel her body shaking with the force of her tears but he didn’t let go of her. Instead, he held onto her as tightly as she cried on his shoulder. Aaron stroked her back and pressed his lips to her hair. Right now, they didn’t need words. They just needed each other.  
  
 _Well, you need a blue sky holiday  
The point is they laugh at what you say  
And I don’t need no carryin’ on_

“Do you want to talk about it?” Aaron asked after a few minutes. Emily lifted her head, noting the wet patches she had left on his t-shirt and slowly nodded.

“It’s just been really hard. I’m trying to put the pieces together but it just keeps falling apart and I’m trying, I’m really trying but-” Emily trailed off and Aaron hugged her tightly again; wishing that Ian Doyle was alive just so he could make him feel the pain that he caused Emily to feel.

“I know it’s difficult but you don’t have to do this alone. You’re not letting us in Emily, you’re trying too hard to help us but you won’t let us help you. Let us help you the way you’ve helped all of us.” Aaron said and Emily looked at him. She knew she didn’t really have a choice, she felt like she was falling apart and couldn’t put the pieces back together without the team’s help. Yet a part of her still feared asking for their help; that if they got too close to the disaster which was her life; they would be hurt or even killed. She had promised herself that she would never let that happen again. Ever.  
  
 _You had a bad day  
You’re taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
You say you don’t know  
You tell me don’t lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day  
The camera don’t lie  
You’re coming back down and you really don’t mind  
You had a bad day_  
  
“OK,” Emily replied quietly and Aaron hugged her again and stepped back. Now that her makeup was off, he could see how exhausted she really was. The dark circles under her eyes which were bloodshot from both exhaustion and tears. She hadn’t been sleeping well, for how long he wasn’t sure, hopefully they could change that tonight.

“Come on, you need to get some sleep.” Aaron said to Emily as he led her towards the bed. Emily looked at him and had she not been feeling this way, would have made a flippant remark about him sleeping with her. Right now, she needed someone to be with her tonight and if it was Aaron, then that was perfectly alright with her.  
  
 _Sometimes the system goes on the blink  
And the whole thing turns out wrong  
You might not make it back and you know  
That you could be well, oh, that strong  
And I’m not wrong  
So where is the passion when you need it the most  
Oh, you and I  
You kick up the leaves and the magic is lost_

The room was in total darkness when he woke up. A glance at his watch, which he had forgotten to remove, told him that it was 1:47am. It took a moment for his sleep-heavy mind to work out why he had woken up before he heard Emily cry out beside him. She was shifting restlessly in her sleep and was clearly having a nightmare. Aaron reached out and put his arms around Emily, stroking her hair and wishing he could take away all this pain within her. After a few minutes, Emily settled back into a more peaceful sleep but Aaron maintained his hold on her. For so long he had been battling the feelings he had for Emily. Maybe one day he would tell her how he felt. But not just yet. Not today.  
  
 _‘Cause you had a bad day  
You’re taking one down  
You sing a sad song just to turn it around  
You say you don’t know  
You tell me don’t lie  
You work at a smile and you go for a ride  
You had a bad day  
You’ve seen what you like  
And how does it feel for one more time  
You had a bad day  
You had a bad day_


	23. Lying Is The Most Fun - Panic! At The Disco

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Season 6 AU; you'll see why at the end

Unsurprisingly the night she met with Sean was also the first night of many that she went without sleep. How could she sleep when he was all that she could think of? He was out of prison, on the run and she was in more danger now than she had ever been. The thought of him escaping, finding out the truth about her, hunting her down and exacting his revenge was enough to make a cold sweat break out all over her body. Even though it was already risky, Emily couldn’t help but look out the window and into the night. Somewhere out there, he was free. Somewhere out there was also the man she had fallen in love with and who had no idea just how much danger he was now in.

Her heart was racing faster than it had in a long time. Racing with adrenaline and fear. Let it beat, Emily decided. Soon, it wouldn’t be able to anymore.

_Is it still me that makes you sweat?  
Am I who you think about in bed?  
When the lights are dim and your hands are shaking as you’re sliding off your dress?  
Well, then think of what you did  
And how I hope to God he was worth it  
When the lights are dim and your heart is racing as your fingers touch your skin_

“Emily, are you OK?”

He had been the first to ask her that question, he was the only one who noticed that she hadn’t slept. Mainly because he knew, or at least he thought he knew her better than anyone. Emily tried to smile, to reassure him, lie to him that she was OK. She knew she wasn’t convincing. Her mind was a million years, miles and a lifetime ago. It wasn’t her concerned co-worker she saw before her. It was the man who wanted her dead. The man she once convinced him that she loved. The man who could and would destroy her and, Emily realised as once again, her heart beat faster and she looked into bright, concerned eyes, he would also kill the man standing before her.

Her ex always had been the jealous type.

_I’ve got more wit  
A better kiss  
A hotter touch  
A better fuck  
Than any boy you’ll ever meet  
Sweetie you had me  
Girl, I was it, look past the sweat  
A better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat  
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me  
Let’s get these teen hearts beating  
Faster, faster_

The next days and weeks passed in a haze of sleepless nights, concerned looks, quick phone calls and messages. Messages from him. He knew where she lived. He knew how to find her. He remembered. He remembered her favourite flowers. Lilies and pink roses. He was in the United States. Somewhere, hidden in the masses. He started to appear in her dreams again. Every single night it was the same one. It wasn’t the dream she told Garcia about when Garcia finally confronted her about her behaviour. She thought Emily was pregnant. Thank God she wasn’t. There was already one innocent child who was unknowingly caught up in the middle of this mess. She wasn’t going to add another.

No, in her dream she was surrounded by people she knew. Past and present. All of them had masks on and were being controlled by strings. As they moved around her in a twisted form of a dance, the strings bound themselves to her, connected themselves to her. It was only when they were tight enough to begin to choke her and stop her escape did he move forward, the ends of the strings clutched in his hand as he removed his mask.

_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close?_

The news kept getting worse. By the time Emily realised that he was in the States, Clyde and Tsia were too with the news that Jeremy had died of a supposed heart attack; a subtle but vicious assassination. It was a reminder. They wouldn’t see him coming, he was able to get that close, kill them so swiftly, so quietly that they would never stand a chance. Sean’s death was worse; his whole family. His wife, his two sons, all slaughtered. Simply for being his family, for knowing and loving the man who helped to imprison him.

Emily got the message loud and clear, confirming her worst fears. He wasn’t just going to kill her. He was going to kill her whole team, her family. Children wouldn’t be excluded either and that just made her feel even more ill. At least two innocent children were dead because of her. how many more would there be and what about the young boy who, like another child, she had grown to love as her own? What would happen to him?

_So I guess we’re back to us  
Oh, cameraman, swing the focus  
In case I lost my train of thought  
Where was it that we last left off?  
(Let’s pick up, pick up)_

He wasn’t stupid. He knew something was wrong with Emily. They were best friends, closer than any other members of the team. The rest of the team had picked up on her change in behaviour. But they didn’t see what he saw. They didn’t see the way she held herself, the fear in her eyes, the hypervigilance and dark circles that makeup couldn’t quite cover. They didn’t hear her whimper in the hotel room next to him or on the jet when she did manage to sleep. They didn’t hold her hair back when she suddenly had to be ill at the sight of a fresh bouquet of freesias that had been delivered to her desk. He knew something was wrong and he wanted to help, wanted to reach out to her the way she had whenever his life had fallen apart. He loved her, his son adored her. They just wanted to help Emily. To let her knew that she wasn’t alone. Even if she thought she was.

_Oh, now I do recall  
We just were getting to the part  
Where the shock sets in  
And the stomach acid finds a new way to make you get sick  
I sure hope you didn’t expect to get all of the attention  
Let’s not get selfish  
Did you really think I’d let you kill this chorus?  
Let’s get these teen hearts beating  
Faster, faster_

It didn’t take her long to realise that her dreams were starting to become very like her reality. Nobody else knew it, nobody else could see it but they were all puppets on strings. However instead of just being tangled by them, she was also controlling them. She led the team away from her and her problems, let Clyde and Tsia be brought closer to her. All of them wore their masks, not just so that they couldn’t see the danger, but also so that they couldn’t see her. Couldn’t see the truth of who she was, the crimes she had committed, the pain she had caused. She controlled them, subtly, carefully, she controlled them.

And as she did so, she could feel the strings that he used to control her too.

_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close?  
Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat  
Dance to this beat_

Emily couldn’t quite determine what it was that made her do it. What made her pick up the phone that almost every day buzzed with a message from him. She knew he was watching her, had people, followers, monitoring her every move. There were easier, possibly less risky ways of doing this but she wanted some control over this situation again. She wanted to give herself the upper hand and she was done hiding behind the masks. It was time for them to come face to face again and as she listened to and excused herself from the plans the team were making as they flew back from their latest case.

**_Tonight. 10pm. The plaza._ **

Emily put her cell away and felt his eyes burning almost knowingly into hers again. Out of everyone on the team, he was the one she needed and ought to speak to the most. He understood the fear, the fear of having your loved ones in danger, the feeling of being helpless as a faceless monster tore your word apart bit by bit. However she wasn’t going to say anything. Not to him. Not just because she cared about him, she did, more than she should, but she wasn’t going to risk his son. There was already an innocent blond child who owned her heart and was caught up in this mess. She wasn’t going to make it two. She didn’t bother looking at the screen when her phone vibrated with a reply. She didn’t even acknowledge the beat of her heart. It was a risk, a stupid one at that but it was also a risk she needed to take. If she could end this once and for all, then she would.

_Let’s get these teen hearts beating  
Faster, faster  
Let’s get these teen hearts beating  
Faster  
I’ve got more wit  
A better kiss  
A hotter touch  
A better fuck  
Than any boy you’ll ever meet  
Sweetie, you had me  
Girl, I was it, look past the sweat  
A better love deserving of  
Exchanging body heat in the passenger seat  
No, no, no, you know it will always just be me  
Let’s get those teen hearts beating  
Faster, faster_

Two hours. For two hours she had been sitting here. Waiting. Ready. The gun under the table, clutched tightly in her hand offered a still reassurance. If she needed to, she would do what she ought to have done seven years ago and kill him. She had had more than enough chances to do it back then. She could have shot him in an ‘arms deal gone wrong’. She could have slipped something in his food or drink. She could have let his car take the hit in an ambush. She could have slashed his throat as he lay in bed beside her. Could have. Should have. Didn’t. So much would have been avoided, so many lives spared if she had just taken his. It was a mistake that she wasn’t going to make again. Her shoulders tensed as she finally heard footsteps on the plaza behind her.

It was time.

_So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Will you dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close?  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
So testosterone boys and harlequin girls  
Dance to this beat  
And hold a lover close_

She didn’t shudder at the feeling of the hand on her shoulder. She ignored the twist in her stomach at the sound of her voice. She kept her voice steady as she spoke with a chill that ran simultaneously down her spine. She didn’t look him in the eyes. He would have to look her in the eyes. As he walked into her line of sight as they each made sniping comments about having waited to see the other, she felt her blood run cold as her heart pushed ice around her veins. Emily stared into his cold eyes and for a moment saw warm eyes of a completely different colour. Heard a completely different accent speak from the one that really spoke.

However that was where the differences ended between the two men, between the FBI Agent and Valhalla. The single fathers of adored sons who had their own strength and power and who she had been able to play and wrap around her little finger as she saw fit. One was still there, even though it put him in danger. The other had broken free of his own strings, literally and metaphorically and now sat opposite her. A cold smile on his face and hatred burning subtly in his bright eyes that to the unaware, looked friendly, almost kind. But Emily was more than aware of how he looked, acted and felt. He was going to kill her, she knew that, but if she could protect the people she loved, then it would be worth it.

“Hello Aaron.” Emily said calmly, staring him right in the eyes. Unafraid any longer.

_Let’s get these teen hearts beating  
Faster, faster  
Let’s get these teen hearts beating  
Faster_


End file.
